On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE Tamra's O.C. Wedding, 8 p.m., Bravo Tamra Barney from The Real Housewives of Orange County is so self-important, she's managed to talk Bravo into a spinoff for her wedding to Eddie Judge. Oh, who are we kidding? Andy Cohen will put anyone on TV.
Call of the Wildman: Viva Live Action!, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Turtleman and Neal head to Mexico in search of whatever is killing livestock there. Well, we can tell you right now it's El Chupacabra. Everyone knows that.
The Comedy Central Roast, 10 p.m., Comedy Central James Franco is the butt of jokes from Seth Rogen, Bill Hader, Jonah Hill, Aziz Ansari, Nick Kroll, Natasha Leggero, Jeff Ross and Sarah Silverman. There just may be one or two wisecracks about smoking weed.
SERIES PREMIERE Turn & Burn, 10 p.m., Discovery Our latest reality-show adventure follows El Rey's Garage in Venice, Calif., where the crew turns junkers into bad-ass street sleds. We're sure there will be some kind of faux time constraints imposed on the gang in order to add some fake drama.
MINISERIES PREMIERE The Story of Film: An Odyssey, 10 p.m., TCM This 15-part series on the history of cinema will trace moviemaking from its beginnings to the latest round of remakes. Movies in the series will be featured on the same network, in case you see a clip you really like.
SEASON FINALE Summer Camp, 11 p.m., USA One team is about to win $250,000. Imagine the kinds of camps they could afford with that kind of cash.
Extreme Weight Loss, 8 p.m., ABC A 450-pound police officer may lose his job if he doesn't drop some weight. You mean he's still employed? As a cop?
SEASON PREMIERE Luther, 10 p.m., BBC America Fresh off a summer in which he played a Texan spaceship captain in Prometheus and a giant robot puppetmaster named Stacker Pentecost in Pacific Rim, Idris Elba is back to solving the most horrific murders you can imagine. It's way more disturbing than watching Ridley Scott try to make another Alien film.
SERIES PREMIERE Cold Justice, 10 p.m., TNT A former prosecutor and a crime scene investigator travel the country in an attempt to solve old murder cases. The twist is, this is a reality show.
Doomsday Castle, 10 p.m., NatGeo Brent Sr. decides to hire an instructor to teach everyone the Israeli martial art Krav Maga, as if one or two classes will be enough for them to effectively learn that. He must have been watching the Bourne Identity marathon on FX.
SEASON FINALE Melissa & Joey, 8 p.m., ABC Family Mel pretends to be Joe's wife in an attempt to fool his grandmother, who doesn't know about divorce. Because that's what ABC Family is about: Fooling gullible old people!
SEASON FINALE Baby Daddy, 8:30 p.m., ABC Family Ben tries to surprise Riley for her birthday, even though she doesn't like celebrating her birthday. People often love doing the exact thing they hate on days they should be getting what they want, you know.
SERIES FINALE Futurama, 10 p.m., Comedy Central The cartoon that wouldn't die will go into hypersleep again, with tonight marking the final episode of a series that started in 2000 on Fox, was canceled, then run ad nauseam on Cartoon Network before getting four straight-to-DVD movies and finally being revived on Comedy Central for three seasons. The history of the series is as convoluted and haphazard as one of the show's plotlines. As for it being dead for good, well, we expect to see it return in another six years or so.
Modern Dads, 10:30 p.m., A&E Tonight's episode involves one of the dads going on a juice diet. And the emasculation of the American man continues.
NFL Football, 8:30 p.m., NBC Another season of armchair quarterbacking, concussions and endless beer and truck commercials begins tonight, with the Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens returning to the scene of the crime to play the Denver Broncos. Here's to hoping Manning and the boys win, if only so fans can tear down those Joe Flacco banners the NFL stuck on the side of Mile High.
After the First 48, 9 p.m., A&E An update special tracking the cases of a woman found stabbed to death in her bedroom and two teenagers shot dead at a party. News flash: They're still dead.
Ragin' Cajun Redneck Gators, 9 p.m., SyFy Mutagenic moonshine turns some alligators into monsters that end up snapping their way through the bayou, as if that's somehow different than the status quo. So what spiked the hooch in the first place? We'll blame the gulf oil spill. Thanks a lot, BP.
SEASON FINALE Wilfred, 10 p.m., FX Jenna separates Ryan and Wilfred, which is not the best avenue to take with someone who is essentially suffering from a psychotic break. It's hilarious!
Teach, 8 p.m., CBS A special from Waiting for Superman's Davis Guggenheim follows teachers in fourth grade, middle school and high school to show our public school system is only successful because of dedicated instructors. Good thing parents and politicians are so supportive!
Dear Dumb Diary, 8 p.m., Hallmark A middle-schooler's inner fantasies become real after she writes them down in her diary in an adaptation of a children's book series. We're guessing a successful and sustainable public-school system isn't among her wishes.
Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax Dalton runs off with a detainee in an attempt to find the truth. We're sure the feds will be totally okay with that.
SERIES PREMIERE Hello Ross, 10 p.m., E! Red-carpet host Ross Matthews gets his own version of a trends talk show, in which people can tweet or email or whatever in a vain attempt to get in on the discussion. Because we all care about your opinion on Kim Kardashian's baby.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org