Thintervention With Jackie Warner, 10 p.m., Bravo: She sends clients to a firefighter course workout. If you've ever seen the Discovery Channel, you know that's no joke.
SEASON PREMIERE, Top Gear, 9 p.m., BBC America: Why aren't there more three-wheeled cars in the world? Because we outgrew tricycles when we were 6.
SERIES PREMIERE, No Ordinary Family, 8 p.m., ABC: That a family returns from vacation with superpowers isn't what's out of the ordinary. That title would belong to Michael Chiklis' job as a police sketch artist on the show. It beats another doctor show.
SEASON PREMIERE, Stargate Universe, 9 p.m., SyFy: Varro and the gang are exiled to a barren, rocky planet, where they run into Kurt Russell and a whole bunch of Egyptians. Nah, we're just playin' — no one knows where Kurt Russell is.
Man v. Food, 9 p.m., Travel: Adam goes to Sacramento, Calif., to eat 5 pounds of chili dogs and be personally responsible for your health insurance premiums rising.
SEASON PREMIERE, Big Break Dominican Republic, 9 p.m., Golf: It's about golf, so we have no idea what's going on, but there's apparently enough to start a 14th season. We assume they're aiming for 18.
$..! My Dad Says, 8:31 p.m., CBS: Dad refuses to allow a WiFi connection in the house. But then how will he update his Twitter feed?
SEASON FINALE, You're Wearing That?!?, 10 p.m., WEtv: A mother and daughter try to move on after the family patriarch dies. Plaids really don't say mourning, anyway.
Human Target, 8 p.m., Fox: If Indira Varma asked us to come out of retirement to help protect her, we'd jump at the chance just like Chance.
Supernatural, 9 p.m., CW: On a show this twisted, you know a story line involving orphans is going to be plenty twisted.
SERIES PREMIERE, Teach: Tony Danza, 10 p.m., A&E: That this guy gets a job as a high school English teacher seems ridiculous, until you realize it's in a school in Philadelphia. Now it makes all kinds of sense. He'll probably be teacher of the year.
Joshua Gillin, Times staff writer