On TV this weekend
Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC Gwyneth Paltrow wants to find out who her ancestors are. Annoying thin people who barely survived because of their macrobiotic diets, we're guessing.
SERIES PREMIERE Chaos, 8 p.m., CBS Freddy Rodriguez stars as a mole among rogue CIA spies in this … comedy? Yeah, a sitcom about deficient national security, that's a great idea.
SERIES PREMIERE Say Yes to the Dress: Randy Knows Best, 9:30 p.m., TLC At least, he does according to the people who think this show belongs on a network called The Learning Channel.
SERIES PREMIERE Camelot, 10 p.m., Starz It's like similar period dramas Spartacus and The Tudors, but with rounder tables and more swords in stones.
SEASON FINALE Merlin, 10 p.m., Syfy Meanwhile, you can find out if those same characters escape the clutches of a slave trader in this version. Hey, that doesn't sound like the books we read.
Nickelodeon's 2011 Kids' Choice Awards, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon Jack Black hosts this show for a third time, introducing a number by the Black Eyed Peas and an appearance by Sofia Vergara. Wait, this is supposed to be a kids' show.
SEASON PREMIERE How Do I Look?, 8 p.m., Style Since you like to wear fluorescent tutus, the answer is obvious: Awful.
SEASON PREMIERE Curb Appeal, 8:30 p.m., HGTV Fix up the outside of your house as much as you like, it's still worthless in this market.
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m., NBC Elton John hosts, probably to make up for Chris Brown last week.
SERIES PREMIERE The Borgias, 9 p.m., Showtime Jeremy Irons chronicles a corrupt papacy in 1492 Rome. What, don't all popes have mistresses and children?
MINISERIES PREMIERE The Kennedys, 8 p.m., Reelz Speaking of corrupt Catholics, there's this version of the Massachusetts clan with Greg Kinnear, Katie Holmes and Barry Pepper.
SEASON PREMIERE Bert the Conqueror, 8 p.m., Travel Channel He's back to try more weird attractions, this time in New England. Still waiting for that Dinosaur World episode, even though it's not dangerous enough — maybe they need to make the fiberglass dinos threaten to eat guests.
46th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards, 8 p.m., CBS Blake Shelton and Reba McEntire bring this awards show from the most country city in the nation: Las Vegas?
SEASON PREMIERE Last Cake Standing, 10 p.m., Food After seeing so many cheftestants on Top Chef wash out for not being able to make dessert, this show seems sort of unnecessary.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com