On TV this weekend
Secrets of the Mountain, 8 p.m., NBC We thought network movies of the week went out with the dodo. This family-friendly flick, involving a mom and her three kids solving puzzles and mysteries, would warm our cynical hearts ... if not for all the product placement by corporate sponsors Walmart and Proctor & Gamble.
What Not To Wear Awards, 9 p.m., TLC So wait — the award goes to whoever wears the worst thing? Or whoever wears the best thing? We're confused.
SEASON FINALE Spartacus: Blood and Sand, 10 p.m., Starz It's finally time for Spartacus to get his revenge, and he's out for blood. And sand. But mostly blood.
SEASON PREMIERE Doctor Who, 9 p.m., BBC America Matt Smith replaces David Tennant as the good doctor, giving all the geeks something to debate while Joss Whedon cooks up another failed prime-time series for Fox.
The Front, 9 p.m., Lifetime Andie MacDowell stars as a D.A. out to clean up the streets. But first, some face cream!
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m., NBC Ryan Phillippe, who is starring in the movie version of MacGruber, just may do a sketch or two with Will Forte. Meanwhile, Ke$ha will be on to give us plenty of time for bathroom breaks.
45th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards, 8 p.m., CBS LL Cool J is a guest at this annual installation into the 43-part series of country music awards shows. Wait, is that right?
Beauty & the Briefcase, 8 p.m., ABC Family Hilary Duff is a spunky young woman who moves to the Big Apple to write for Cosmopolitan. At least Hil is doing some original stuff these days.
SERIES PREMIERE Brandy & Ray J: A Family Business, 9 p.m., VH1 When last we really paid attention to these two, Brandy had accidentally killed a woman in a traffic accident and Ray J was making Kim Kardashian famous for being infamous in a sex tape. We kind of quit paying attention after that.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org and Jay Cridlin email@example.com