On TV this weekend
SERIES PREMIERE Locked Up Abroad: Popped, 8 p.m., NatGeo It's like regular Locked Up Abroad, but with Pop-Up Video-style balloons giving factoids every few seconds. You know, in case you actually were taking the show seriously.
SERIES PREMIERE Jennie Garth: A Little Bit Country, 9 p.m., CMT The former Beverly Hills, 90210 star heads back to her family's tiny, 7-acre California farm to figure out what she needs to move on with her life. We do so hope the farm grows self-respect.
SEASON PREMIERE The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO The animated podcast continues for 13 more episodes. It's about time they redraw fat Ricky's avatar, however.
SERIES PREMIERE Melissa & Tye, 9:30 p.m., CMT Reality-show staple Melissa Rycroft wants to move into movies, so she leaves behind husband Tye Strickland and their young daughter to pursue her dream. Here's a dream: One day we'll turn on the TV and not have to watch inane reality shows about people so desperate for fame they're willing to abandon their families.
Alien Tornado, 9 p.m., SyFy Aliens attack Earth (and Lost's Jeff Fahey) with cut-rate, CGI electrical tornadoes. Because regular tornadoes aren't destructive enough.
SEASON FINALE Parking Wars, 9:30 p.m., A&E Frankly, this show hasn't been the same since they left Philly and started shooting in Detroit.
Patton Oswalt: Finest Hour, 10 p.m., Comedy Central As if I didn't love and respect Patton's snide, cynical sense of humor enough, he's now a new dad, too. I may watch this on repeat for the next two weeks.
SEASON PREMIERE The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo Now we get to see why they all tried to kill each other at last season's reunion. As if they needed a reason.
SERIES PREMIERE Veep, 10 p.m., HBO Julia Louis-Dreyfuss stars as a vice president dealing with a series of disasters and, from the sound of it, a case of Tourette's syndrome. Seriously, she swears like a longshoreman on this show.
Fox's 25th Anniversary Special, 8 p.m., Fox Remember when short-lived The X-Files spin-off The Lone Gunmen's March 2001 pilot featured a plot by would-be war profiteers to fly a jetliner into the World Trade Center, blame it on terrorists and start a lucrative conflict in the Middle East? Neither does Fox.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org