On TV this weekend
NFL Preseason Football, 8 p.m., Fox The bad news: This is just preseason nonsense. The good news: The Bucs are away to play the New England Patriots, so it won't be blacked out. We don't think. The NFL will probably find a way.
SEASON PREMIERE Ghost Adventures, 9 p.m., Travel The trio go to Nevada to look for ghosts in a saloon. Ghosts? Just look around at the hollow-eyed zombies nursing domestic beers and mindlessly playing the slots — they count as zombies, at least.
America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW Real models Alessandra Ambrossio and Rob Evans drop in to show the contestants that a little name recognition goes a long way. Being able to actually take a good photo doesn't hurt, either.
Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax S-20 kidnaps Miguel Gomez's brother in order to draw him out. They should just ship in Rhona Mitra from Beirut; that should do the trick.
U.S. Gymnastics Championships, 8 p.m., NBC Be astounded by tiny people completing superhuman feats in an effort to join a national team no one notices until the Summer Olympics. Then everyone becomes an expert on how awful that vault landing or floor exercise was.
SEASON PREMIERE The Incredible Dr. Pol, 9 p.m., Nat Geo A racehorse needs help from the good doctor. Because usually racehorses receive only superlative medical treatment.
SEASON PREMIERE The Great Food Truck Race, 9 p.m., Food The season kicks off with a challenge to create something that can be sold for $20. We can probably count the hot-dog vendor down for the count for this one.
Oprah's Next Chapter: Lindsay Lohan, 9 p.m., OWN In case you wondered what Lindsay Lohan is up to now that she's out of her court-ordered rehab. Or even if you didn't wonder, because the media machine commands you to care what Lohan is doing at all hours of the day.
SEASON FINALE True Blood, 9 p.m., HBO The big "will they or won't they" question for this season is a big question mark about whether the series will show Alexander Skarsgård's own big question mark in a nude sex scene. Eric always was more popular than Bill.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com