On TV this weekend
NFL Preseason Football, 8 p.m., Fox The game may be between the Titans and the Cowboys, but the only reason we're watching is to see the new Cowboys Stadium. Sigh; we can only dream of retractable roofs.
Monk, 9 p.m., USA Something about a UFO. We don't know. We're busy watching football. FOOTBALL!
SERIES PREMIERE Making Over America With Trinny and Susannah, 10 p.m., TLC The Brits from the original What Not to Wear decide to basically redo the show in this country, where fashionable choices include denim shorts and football means football, not soccer.
SEASON PREMIERE Jockeys, 10 p.m., Animal Planet It's about horse racing, but dudes! FOOTBALL, we say!
SERIES PREMIERE Extreme Bodies, 9 p.m., Discovery No, there's no half-naked folks, but there are a lot of reeeally tall people in this show.
Phantom Racer, 9 p.m., SyFy Greg Evigan from My Two Dads stars as a race car driver who comes back from the dead. Will it be enough to zombify his career, too?
Acceptance, 9 p.m., Lifetime A high school student waits to hear if she's been accepted by her dream college while her parents get ready to divorce. They were probably arguing over how to pay tuition that has gone up 300 percent in the past five years.
SERIES PREMIERE What Would Brian Boitano Make?, 1 p.m., Food Some producers decided to take an old South Park joke and make a cooking show with the figure-skating champ. After this, tune in for Darryl Strawberry's Fruit Finds.
SEASON FINALE Merlin, 7 p.m., NBC Arthur gets injured, but probably not as badly as this show's chances for getting picked up again next year.
SERIES FINALE Ice Road Truckers, 9 p.m., History The season comes to a close as global warming melts the ice and high gas prices make the run unprofitable. Wait, no, that's in another two seasons or so.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org