On TV this weekend
The Great White Gauntlet, 8 p.m., Discovery Abalone hunters off the coast of Australia have to contend with sharks who think they are opening a buffet line. So long as the sharks eat the sea snails, the occupational hazards are lower than they seem.
America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW The ongoing curse of having the worst weather possible continues when the contestants have to walk a vertical runway in the rain. Seriously, it's not like the crew checked the weather and saw the report and decided today would be a good day to fight the elements to make for good television or anything.
SEASON PREMIERE Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax Scott and Stonebridge are on vacation when a team member is killed in Beirut, forcing them to return to work. Some people are so selfish!
Clear History, 9 p.m., HBO Larry David plays a ruined electric car-selling executive who wants revenge against his shortsighted boss, Jon Hamm. With Kate Hudson, Michael Keaton and Eva Mendes among the stars, he must be trying to A-list him to death.
SERIES PREMIERE The White Queen, 8 p.m., Starz The latest period melodrama is about a commoner marrying the King of England during the War of the Roses. Two guesses which side of that conflict she's going to be on.
SEASON PREMIERE Hell on Wheels, 9 p.m., AMC If The White Queen is a little too far back, try on 1867 for size. That era's war just ended, though.
Teen Choice 2013, 8 p.m., Fox The kids may want to pretend to watch this while covertly watching Breaking Bad anyway. Make it a family night!
SERIES PREMIERE Low Winter Sun, 10 p.m., AMC Faced with the unenviable task of premiering against the best drama on TV at the moment, Mark Strong's new detective show features David Costabile. That will only remind viewers to switch to …
SEASON PREMIERE Breaking Bad, 10 p.m., AMC If you haven't binge-watched your way through four and a half seasons of this show by now, turn to Page 42 for a primer to get you started. As we start up the second half of the final season (the final mini-season?), Walter White may finally have to face the music. Just think — if we had a government-sponsored health care system like Canada, this show would have been over in about 10 minutes.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com