On TV this weekend
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, 8 p.m., CBS Sure it was on before, but we all love a tale about social conformity. It's what Christmas is all about!
Prancer Returns, 8 p.m., CW Did anyone really want this sequel to Prancer? Did anyone really want the first Prancer?
Yes, Virginia, 9 p.m., CBS The famous yarn about an 8-year-old who writes to a newspaper to ask if there really is a Santa Claus. Francis Church handled it well enough, but these days she'd either have her photo splashed all over the Internet to shame her for asking such a silly question, or she'd get a reality show.
The Elf on the Shelf: An Elf's Story, 9:30 p.m., CBS How do Santa's elves know who has been naughty and who's been nice? Drones.
Winter in Portlandia, 10:30 p.m., IFC A one-off for hipsters who can't wait until the third season premiere on Jan. 4. Like us.
Baby's First Christmas, 8 p.m., Hallmark Casper Van Dien from Starship Troopers and Rachel Wilson from Saw III play the businessman vs. hippie rom-com card. For Hallmark. Those poor actors. We'd like to say it would get better, but …
SEASON FINALE My Fair Wedding: Unveiled, 9 p.m., WEtv Big Brother and Amazing Race alum Rachel Reilly wants David Tutera to plan her wedding. Like, NOW!
SERIES PREMIERE Six Little McGhees, 10 p.m., OWN High school sweethearts have sextuplets, then get a reality show that will no doubt doom their storybook marriage.
SEASON FINALE Survivor: Philippines, 8 p.m., CBS We're all wondering if The Facts of Life actress Lisa Whelchel has what it takes to win it all. If this were a contest between Blair and Jo, Lisa would have been long gone by now.
Royal Pains Off-Season Greetings, 9 p.m., USA We're all wondering if the wedding for Evan and Paige will be enough to sustain a double-length episode. If this were an episode of Grey's Anatomy, they'd have done it over a three-week period.
The Bachelorette: Ashley and J.P.'s Wedding, 9 p.m., ABC We're all wondering if the wedding for Ashley and J.P. will last long enough for a reunion episode. If this were an episode of The Bachelor, they'd have broken off the engagement months ago.
SEASON FINALE Dexter, 9 p.m., Showtime We're all wondering if LaGuerta will figure out what Dexter does in his spare time. If this were an episode of Dexter, Debra would have figured it out a year ago.
SEASON FINALE Homeland, 10 p.m., Showtime We're all wondering if Brody will die after being caught by Carrie. If this were an episode of 24, Jack Bauer would have offed him on sight.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org