On TV tonight
Movie: Good Luck Charlie, It's Christmas!, 8 p.m., Disney A movie spin-off of the sitcom, featuring the Duncans getting stuck in a snowstorm and losing their luggage. Yeah, all right, family's the most important thing, we get it.
MINISERIES PREMIERE The Take, 9 p.m., Encore A four-part adaptation of the Martina Cole crime drama about a young mobster and his dopey cousin. Pretty sure this doesn't end well.
SERIES RETURN America's Most Wanted. 9 p.m., Lifetime Fox may have canceled this series in June after 24 seasons, but Lifetime says they'll take John Walsh, thank you very much.
SEASON FINALE Hairy Bikers, 10 p.m., History Paul and Bill work on a lobster boat and dig up clams. We know enough about those jobs to be thankful all we have to do is hit the seafood counter at Publix.
SERIES PREMIERE Starving Secrets With Tracey Gold, 10 p.m., Lifetime The Growing Pains star talks about her challenges with anorexia, helping others with eating disorders and forever being associated with Kirk Cameron. That girl has had a tough life.
Hercules Saves Christmas, 6 p.m., Animal Planet The dog from Pit Boss plays Santa's favorite holiday doggie. Because pit bulls have such good reputations as family dogs.
A Princess for Christmas, 8 p.m., Hallmark Sir Roger Moore plays a British duke who wants to meet his American grandchildren. The ones not knocked up, on drugs, dropped out or dead from gang violence, that is.
SERIES PREMIERE Would You Rather?, 11 p.m., BBC America Graham Norton hosts a show in which washed-up celebs are asked questions about which of two bad options they'd prefer. We all know the answer to the question "anonymity or stupid celebrity-driven show?", don't we?
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m., NBC Steve Buscemi hosts for the first time since 1998. Maybe they were holding out hope he'd have had his teeth fixed by now.
MINISERIES PREMIERE Neverland, 9 p.m., SyFy A two-parter about Peter Pan and Captain Hook that seems to take equal parts Oliver Twist and Jumanji and attempts to make a movie out of them. Hey, Keira Knightley is Tinkerbell (although sadly just her voice).
SERIES PREMIERE Chef Roblé & Co., 10 p.m., Bravo Roblé Ali caters absurd parties, like this one that serves only black and white and red foods. That's the one thrown by the newspaper folks.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org