On TV this weekend
NBC's New Year's Eve With Carson Daly, 10 p.m., NBC Carson Daly is the Guy Lombardo to Ryan Seacrest's Dick Clark. Maybe that's why Carson is the first one to come on (but he does have Jay-Z and Rihanna).
Feliz 2010, 10 p.m., Univision Olvidate de Carson y Ryan, y ven aqui para tu fiesta en espanol ...
Fiesta de Año Nuevo, 10 p.m., Telemundo ... y aqui si no te gusta Univision.
Billboard's New Year's Eve Live, 11 p.m., Fox This is the New Year's show no one watches. Seriously, Carmen Electra is the host.
06 & Party, 11 p.m., BET See what they did with the name of the show there? Clever. How's that working out for you?
New Year's Eve Live With Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin, 11 p.m., CNN Why would we want to see what's going on around the world? Don't they know we're Americans?
All American New Year, 11 p.m., Fox News Fear-mongering! Get your fear-mongering with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck here!
New Year, No Limits, 11 p.m., ESPN What, is there no bowl game on ESPN tonight?
Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve With Ryan Seacrest 2010, 11:30 p.m., ABC It's so sweet Dick gets to keep his name on the show while the barbarian Seacrest is so far in the gate he's already pillaged the castle and is sleeping in Clark's room. Oh, hey, and J.Lo and Daughtry and the Black Eyed Peas, too.
NHL Hockey, 1 p.m., NBC Open-air games are proving to be so popular, the NHL decided to appease hockey fans and go back to Fenway Park to showcase the Boston Bruins and the Philadelphia Flyers. Of course, we're not so sure we'll be up by 1, anyway.
Brian Boitano Skating Spectacular, 4 p.m., NBC Brian gets his pals Michael Weiss, Yuka Sato, Kimmie Meissner, Alissa Czisny, Steven Cousins, and pairs Elena Leonova and Andrei Khvalko and Marie-France Dubreuil and Patrice Lauzon to prove to the kiddies that figure skating can actually provide a career.
Great Performances, 9 p.m., PBS Julie Andrews hosts "From Vienna: The New Year's Celebration 2010," for those of you who didn't drink yourself stupid last night. Not that we encourage such behavior.
SEASON PREMIERE How Do I Look?, 8 p.m., Style Jeannie Mai is back to make women realize no matter how hard you try to dress well, you'll still never be quite as pretty as she is.
SERIES PREMIERE Underdog the Wonderdog, 8 p.m., Animal Planet A makeover show for dogs? Take that, Jeannie Mai!
Doctor Who: The End of Time, Part Two, 8 p.m., BBC America Geeks everywhere will sob as David Tennant ends his run playing the good Doctor. The rest of us ... eh.
SERIES PREMIERE Frank the Entertainer in … A Basement Affair, 8 p.m., VH1 Frank the Entertainer from I Love New York must choose among 15 trashy-hot women who come to his parents' house to try to persuade him to move out of their basement. That noise you just heard is our head exploding.
Super Chef Battle: An Iron Chef America Event, 8 p.m., Food Mario Batali, Emeril Lagasse and White House executive chef Christeta Comerford battle for supremacy at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The rules should require only produce from the backyard garden.
SEASON PREMIERE Platinum Weddings, 9 p.m., WEtv More people who spend the GDP of Guatemala on a party that lasts six hours. When's your unemployment check getting mailed, again?
SERIES PREMIERE Worst Cooks in America, 10 p.m., Food A dozen awful cooks compete to become a bit less awful and win some dough. Here's hoping Rachael Ray is a contestant.
SERIES PREMIERE The 101 Tastiest Places to Chowdown, 10 p.m., Travel The best places to eat in America. We're guessing it'll be wherever the Worst Cooks in America aren't.
SERIES PREMIERE Secrets of Aspen, 10 p.m., VH1 Rich women doing fabulous things you can't afford in a city you don't live in. What an original formula! Why do you do this to yourself? Eat more raw cookie dough and cry yourselves to sleep, plebians!
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org