On TV this weekend
The 44th NAACP Image Awards, 8 p.m., NBC Django Unchained is squaring off with Beasts of the Southern Wild for four awards apiece. We all know the remake of Steel Magnolias will outdo them both.
Shark Tank, 9 p.m., ABC A couple wants to make a line of sandals for barefoot runners. That's like making jumpsuits for nudist colonies.
Spartacus: War of the Damned, 9 p.m., Starz The rebels start raiding outposts for food and shelter. Crassus will surely be okay with that.
Banshee, 10 p.m., Cinemax The most surprising thing about a botched museum robbery in Harrisburg isn't that something went wrong, but rather that Harrisburg has any museums.
SERIES PREMIERE House of Cards, Whenever you want, Netflix Kevin Spacey is a dead-on-the-inside politician scheming to make a power grab from the very people he put in charge. As if there's another kind of politician. There are 13 epsiodes of this David Fincher-produced series, so you can binge away on a brand-new show and save Breaking Bad or Mad Men or Rescue Me for later.
Betty & Coretta, 8 p.m., Lifetime Mary J. Blige and Angela Bassett play Betty Shabazz and Coretta Scott King in a Lifetime movie about the widows of Malcolm X and MLK. Sounds kinda interesting, actually.
Second Annual NFL Honors, 9 p.m., CBS Alec Baldwin hosts the awards show for NFL players, who go through life oh-so-unappreciated. If only there was some kind of trophy they could win.
My Big Redneck Vacation, 9 p.m., CMT What better way to kick off a new season than to go to a hippie commune in Gulfport? Well, the rednecks may not have liked it all that much. This ain't Easy Rider, you know.
Puppy Bowl IX, 3 p.m., Animal Planet This year's addition: Hedgehog cheerleaders. But how do they tie off their little belly shirts?
Super Bowl XLVII, 6 p.m., CBS Ravens-Niners in New Orleans. Overpriced and underwhelming commercials. Heartburn and belching contests. We've got to pick somebody up at the airport in the late afternoon, so that plane better not be late, or we see a cab driver being the big winner.
Downton Abbey, 9 p.m., PBS Wow, PBS, way to set off nationwide fights over the remote control at 9 p.m.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org