On TV this weekend
Hall of Game, 7 p.m., Cartoon Tony Hawk hosts the first kid-themed sports awards. He wins for Athlete Least Able to Sustain a Happy Marriage.
CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS A woman obsessed with conspiracy theories winds up dead. Looks like she got at least one of them right, after all.
Confessions: Animal Hoarding, 10 p.m., Animal Planet A couple has 82 cats and wants to have a baby. They'll be spending an awful lot of time trying to get their baby's breath back.
SEASON FINALE Portlandia, 10:30 p.m., IFC It's a good thing this off-kilter, hipster-bashing Fred Armisen/Carrie Brownstein series already has been renewed for another season. That'll give you plenty of time to find reruns to watch so you'll know why I keep saying "put a bird on it."
SEASON FINALE Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, 10 p.m., Starz Who needed Spartacus when you had all that blood and guts? It's been better than the NFL.
SERIES PREVIEW Camelot, 11 p.m., Starz It's a sneak peek at this take on the Arthurian legend, which doesn't start up until April. They must have misplaced that darn sword.
2011 Film Independent Spirit Awards, 10 p.m., IFC Joel McHale hosts the indie version of the Oscars, where he no doubt will spend all his time standing next to a screen showing clips of the nominees and making fun of them. Just like us at home!
SERIES PREMIERE Secrets From a Stylist, 9 p.m., HGTV HGTV Design Star winner Emily Hederson helps people fix their home decor. Goodness knows we wouldn't want anyone to display their actual personalities in their own houses.
Oscars Red Carpet, 7 p.m., ABC Sure, we could watch the E! or TV Guide versions, but that would require changing the channel. Besides, Tim Gunn, man!
83rd Annual Academy Awards, 8:30 p.m., ABC After Justin Bieber didn't win the Best New Artist Grammy, all bets are off for playing favorites this season. Join tbt*'s own The Juice* for a livetweet at twitter.com/tbtjuice for instant reaction, or just wait until Monday to read about it. Or, you know, don't.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org