On TV this weekend
Supernanny, 8 p.m., ABC I-ro-ny: Noun. 1. The use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal intention. 2. An outcome of events contrary to what was expected. 3. A parenting educator who has screaming brats and needs a British nanny to show them what's what.
SEASON PREMIERE Kitchen Nightmares, 8 p.m., Fox At some point, you'd think Gordon Ramsay would just pull some of these people aside and explain to them that, hey, running a restaurant isn't for everyone.
SERIES FINALE Medium, 8 p.m., CBS So long, Patricia Arquette. You made the midseason bearable for seven seasons. Now we have to deal with more reality shows.
SERIES PREMIERE Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, 10 p.m., Starz Because Andy Whitfield is being treated for cancer, the second season of Spartacus: Blood and Sand is being delayed. No worries, though, since they've made this six-part prequel set before Spartacus arrives. Don't worry, it's just as violent.
SERIES PREMIERE Portlandia, 10:30 p.m., IFC Fred Armisen and Sleater-Kinney's Carrie Brownstein make fun of hipsters. So, this is a reality show too, right?
Austin City Limits, 9 p.m. (check local listings), PBS Wow, Sonic Youth is on PBS? Man, I'm really old.
SEASON FINALE Pit Bulls & Parolees, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Tia has to move 200 pit bulls to a new property. May we suggest not moving them to a ranch in Virginia.
Oprah Presents Master Class, 10 p.m., OWN Simon Cowell is apparently so bored from not working at American Idol that he has to schedule interviews with Oprah Winfrey. Man, times are tough.
SERIES PREMIERE Kourtney & Kim Take New York, 10 p.m., E! Because Miami had enough of them. But you'll watch anyway, won't you? You buncha sheeple.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org