On TV this weekend
Law & Order, 8 p.m., NBC A family of four is murdered, supposedly by a runaway who was friends with the family, but we know better. Where is that kid with post-traumatic stress disorder? Oh, here he is.
Hope for Haiti, 8 p.m., ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, BET, CW, HBO, MTV, VH1, CMT, PBS, TNT, Showtime, Comedy Central, Bravo, E!, NatGeo, Oxygen, G4, Centric, Current TV, Fuse, MLB Network, Style, Discovery Health and Planet Green (may change) Every major American celebrity on the planet will be on this telethon co-hosted by George Clooney and Wyclef Jean to raise funds for Haiti relief. So if you haven't already texted $10 to a half-dozen charities, get out your iPhones.
SERIES FINALE Dollhouse, 9 p.m., Fox We keep hearing how talented Joss Whedon is, but will he ever have another successful TV series? Unless Buffy returns, we say no. Hey, we can watch Firefly on DVD just so many times.
Caprica, 9 p.m., Syfy Eric Stoltz is a scientist in the doomsday prequel to Battlestar Galactica. Aw, c'mon, he's not such a bad actor. He did create the Cylons, though ... Take notes on how to create a series, Mr. Whedon.
SERIES PREMIERE Spartacus: Blood and Sand, 10 p.m., Starz More swords and sandals. Oh, and sex. Lots of that, too.
The Screen Actors Guild Awards, 8 p.m., TNT George Clooney follows up his Haiti work by being a presenter on this peer-driven award show. We only watch it because this is the one where everyone gets really drunk and says dumber things than usual.
Arj Barker: LYAO, Comedy Central, Midnight Dave from Flight of the Conchords makes you laugh, then makes you sad by reminding you that show got canceled.
Big Love, 9 p.m., HBO Sissy Spacek shows up to play a D.C. lobbyist. So that's where she's been.
The AT&T U.S. Figure Skating Championships, 9 p.m., NBC Mirai Nagasu and Evan Lysacek try to defend their titles en route to the Olympics. We must be getting old, because we have no idea who those two are. Thankfully, we'll be experts in every single maneuver they perform after a week of skating in Vancouver.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org