On TV this weekend
Dog Whisperer, 8 p.m., NatGeo Cesar adopts four puppies in an attempt to show you all that letting your dog jump up on us or scratch our arms or sit on our furniture is not funny. It's damned annoying.
SEASON PREMIERE Kitchen Nightmares, 9 p.m., Fox Gordon Ramsay screams at another set of hapless lackeys who apparently have never seen this show before.
Medium, 9 p.m., CBS Allison dreams of a schizophrenic child who turns out to be the well-adjusted roommate of a missing psychiatry patient. Well, yes, pharmaceutical advances do allow us to control schizophrenia at this point, Allison.
Truth in Motion: The U.S. Ski Team's Road to Vancouver, 8 p.m., NBC This is likely to supplement all those skits that speedskating sponsor Stephen Colbert has been doing on Comedy Central.
The 2010 Miss America Pageant, 8 p.m., TLC Rush Limbaugh is a judge. So maybe the contestants won't be the ones making the dumbest comments tonight.
SERIES PREMIERE Seducing Cindy, 9 p.m., Fox Reality Surprise, kids of the '90s! Cindy Margolis is old now (in media terms, anyway), so she's trying to find a boyfriend. The age range is 18 to 71, so nothing good can come of this.
Meteor Storm, 9 p.m., Syfy A comet starts to break up above Earth and rains down cheesy special effects on an unsuspecting populace. Don't worry, Bruce Willis/Will Smith/Robert Duvall/John Cusack will save the world, right? Right??
A Family Is a Family Is a Family: A Rosie O'Donnell Celebration, 7 p.m., HBO Rosie features plenty of different types of families. Would this have anything to do with her lesbian partner and their 10 combined children?
McDonald's Presents the 2010 Pro Bowl, 7:20 p.m., ESPN Putting this game in the week between the championship games and the Super Bowl only will strengthen our disinterest, because — obviously — no one from the Colts or Saints will be playing.
The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards, 8 p.m., CBS Call us crazy, but we think it's possible Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and the Black Eyed Peas just might win something this year. Don't ask us why.
SERIES PREMIERE Little Chocolatiers, 10 p.m., TLC Little people run a chocolate shop in a move that surely started as an Oompa-Loompa joke. Hey, TLC, we're ready to sell you the idea of Mini-SWAT, a reality show about a squad of little people on the police force who do the jobs no one else can stand up to. You read it here first, folks.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org