On TV this weekend
A Gifted Man, 8 p.m., CBS Patrick Wilson needs surgery. Quick, someone call his dad!
SERIES FINALE Wizards of Waverly Place, 8 p.m., Disney Selena Gomez is calling it quits on this show by deciding which of the Russos is keeping their magical powers. Her new power is the ability to enrage Justin Beiber fans.
SEASON PREMIERE Portlandia, 10 p.m., IFC Andy Samberg drops by to play a guy moving from Portland. We can hear the hipsters wailing from this coast.
Fortune Finders, 10 p.m., NatGeo Following a team of investigators in Las Vegas responsible for securing valuables and contacting family members when someone dies alone. Sounds like a joy-filled vocation.
SEASON PREMIERE Merlin, 10 p.m., SyFy It's looking like Arthur is finally on his way to being king. But we know how that turns out in the end, so how excited can we get?
SEASON PREMIERE The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, 10:30 p.m., IFC David Cross continues to prove Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked is just to pay the bills while he works on truly funny stuff.
SEASON PREMIERE Pit Boss, 9 p.m., Animal Planet Shorty's folks get cast in Mirror Mirror, working with Julia Roberts. Why do they tout that? Wouldn't they say they're working with Lily Collins?
Fixing Pete, 9 p.m., Hallmark Brooke Burns is a fashion journalist who is trying to make over a sports writer played by Dylan Bruno. If she wants him to throw the jerseys out of his closet, she's in for a rude awakening.
SERIES DEBUT The Firm, 9 p.m., NBC Remember that movie with Tom Cruise from 19 years ago adapted from that book by John Grisham published 21 years ago about a lawyer who starts working at a mobbed-up legal concern? Then watch this. Maybe they can screw up the ending to this one even worse.
SEASON PREMIERE Shameless, 9 p.m., Showtime Any show that features William H. Macy and a giant guy named Baby is automatically in the DVR queue.
SEASON PREMIERE Californication, 10:30 p.m., Showtime We do that stupid "jump ahead three years" thing, which shows always do when they realize they've written themselves into a very boring corner.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com