On TV this weekend
SERIES FINALE Friday Night Lights, 8 p.m., NBC As East Dillon prepares for the state championship, everyone on the show realizes high school football is largely inconsequential and lobbies city hall to attract a new Hyundai factory, helping the town double in size. Or something, because we don't have DirecTV and don't watch this.
SERIES PREMIERE PrankStars, 8 p.m., Disney Mitchel Musso from Phineas and Ferb hosts a kid-friendly version of Punk'd but with way fewer trucker hats.
Outrageous Food, 10 p.m., Food Tom Pizzica takes on a 7 1⁄2 pound steak in Las Vegas. Back home in Nebraska, that's an appetizer.
SEASON PREMIERE Haven, 10 p.m., SyFy Vinessa Antoine joins the cast and Jason Priestley guest-stars and directs as Agent Parker must find the answers to big mysteries like, who is Vinessa Antoine, and what has Jason Priestley been doing all this time?
Super Eruption, 9 p.m., SyFy The supervolcano erupts in Yellowstone Park. It must be Dec. 21, 2012, already.
SEASON PREMIERE Pit Boss, 10 p.m., Animal Planet The gang rescues a dog from a warehouse. Um, he may have just been there as a guard dog, folks.
SERIES PREMIERE Big Rich Texas, 9 p.m., Style So, there's one show on CMT about Texas women called Texas Women, but this one is about five mother-daughter pairs from Texas. Texas obviously seceded from the U.S. and these are documentaries about a foreign country.
MINISERIES PREMIERE Zen, 9 p.m., PBS Rufus Sewell stars as a detective in Venice named Aurelio Zen. Why do foreigners always have British accents? Give us an Italian character played by an Italian, for once!
SEASON PREMIERE Breaking Bad, 10 p.m., AMC Wait, we're only guessing here, but the storylines this season may involve people getting murdered and money changing hands. Just taking a stab in the dark.
SERIES PREMIERE Bar Rescue, 10 p.m., Spike It's like one of those shows where an expert shows up and rescues a restaurant by turning it into a completely different establishment. But with drunks. We volunteer to be testers.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org