On TV this weekend
Degrassi: The Next Generation, 8 p.m., THEN It's nice to see that after all these years, teen girls still agonize over whether they should sleep with their boyfriends for our entertainment. Thanks, Alli; we're sure Johnny appreciates it.
The Chopping Block, 8 p.m., NBC The teams have to cook up dishes for a New York art gallery opening. How about affectedness with a side of ennui?
SEASON PREMIERE SpongeBob SquarePants, 8 p.m., Nick After 10 years, tell us why this is on during a Friday night. Take your kids out for pizza or something. Sheesh.
Wizards on Deck with Hannah Montana, 8 p.m., Disney OMG! Hannah Montana boards the Suite Life on Deck with the Wizards of Waverly Place coming along for the ride. This is the biggest crossover since G.I. Joe fought My Little Pony on Cybertron with Jem and the Holograms doing the soundtrack.
SEASON PREMIERE Martin Lawrence Presents 1st Amendment Stand-Up, 11 p.m., Starz It's nice to see that after all those years of wearing fat suits and starring in movies with Will Smith, Martin still brings home the bacon.
SEASON PREMIERE The Bill Engvall Show, 9 p.m., TBS Why is it the women in sitcoms always have these husbands who require constant supervision? Sure, sometimes we almost blow up the house, but give us a little credit.
Dirty Sexy Money, 10 p.m., ABC The network is so desperate to fill space, they're showing the remaining episodes of this canceled series, including, get this, a Thanksgiving celebration. It's too hot for turkey and stuffing right now.
Labor Pains, 8 p.m., ABC Family A publishing assistant fakes being pregnant to keep from getting fired. Boy, the jig'll be up at next year's company picnic. Now with more Lindsay Lohan!
The 2009 ESPYs, 9 p.m., ESPN Samuel L. Jackson is the host of a show that was attended by Evan Longoria and All-Star MVP Carl Crawford. Who cares that Nelson Mandela is getting an award for some reason?
The AFI Lifetime Achievement Award: A Tribute to Michael Douglas, 9 p.m., TV Land It's official: Mike be old.
Meteor, 9 p.m., NBC George Costanzo Saves The World just doesn't sound too realistic, does it?
SERIES PREMIERE Most Popular, 10 p.m., WEtv Reality TV finally gives up all pretense of being valid entertainment by lining up women like slabs of meat and tearing them apart before a studio audience.
SEASON PREMIERE HGTV Design Star, 10 p.m., HGTV A fourth season celebrating people who convinced a generation of first-time homebuyers that everything is paint, drapes and plywood. They don't talk much about fixing leaky pipes under the house or roofs collapsing or rotten rafter tails needing to be replaced, do they?
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org