On TV this weekend
Teen Beach Movie, 8 p.m., Disney Teens get in a surfing accident and wake up in a corny '60s-style beach movie. Without the implied casual sex and recreational drug use, though, because this is the Disney Channel.
Touching the Dragon, 8 p.m., NatGeo A photojournalist has a very close relationship to a crocodile. That doesn't involve needing boot polish.
SERIES PREMIERE Liv and Maddie, 9:45 p.m., Disney If Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody had twin babies, it would be this show. That's right, two more girls for the Mouse machine to ruin.
SERIES PREMIERE Debbie Macomber's Cedar Cove, 8 p.m., Hallmark You know what's better than a two-hour Hallmark movie about a small-town judge played by Andie MacDowell falling for the new newspaper editor in town? And entire series about that.
SEASON FINALE That Metal Show, 11 p.m., VH1 Blue Oyster Cult's Buck Dharma shows up to discuss the use of his band's songs in Scary Movie. Well, maybe not, but he is a guest.
SEASON PREMIERE City Girl Diaries, 9 p.m., Style Like Sex & the City, but with real thirtysomethings who somehow think the rest of the country cares about how hard it is to live in New York. Yes, it's really hard making all that money and dealing with public transportation and crime and being able to eat at restaurants where salads cost $30. Don't you just wish you could move there today?
SERIES PREMIERE Axe Cop, 9:30 p.m., Fox An animated show about what Robocop would have been like in the current Detroit fiscal situation. Nah, just kidding, it's a show written by an 8-year-old. You can see why we were confused.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com