On TV this weekend
Undercover Boss, 8 p.m., CBS Mitchell Modell of Modell's Sporting Goods works in one of his stores. He soon realizes how frustrating it is that there are no jackets in Large and adult soccer balls are not Size 3.
Nikita, 8 p.m., CW Ari tells Nikita and Owen that Amanda is working with a terrorist, but they've got to pay to find out where they are. P'shaw. Just wait until next week's episode and find out with the rest of us!
Spartacus: War of the Damned, 9 p.m., Starz Spartacus tries to gain the upper hand on Crassus, but there's a betrayal in the works. It's by the creators of this show, who already have elected to not have another season. Curses!
Banshee, 10 p.m., Cinemax Gordon begins to check into Carrie's past, which is kind of a no-no in this neck of the woods. You may as well just assume people have done something dark and secretive at some point.
SERIES PREMIERE Blackboard Wars, 9 p.m., OWN The only thing worth watching on Saturday that isn't sports or reruns is this reality show about saving a New Orleans school. This must be a show about moving all those students out of Louisiana, then. (All you offended Yats can write to email@example.com.)
MINISERIES PREMIERE The Bible, 8 p.m., History If it sounds a little weird that a channel purportedly about history is featuring a dramatic miniseries of Bible parables narrated by Keith David, just relax. It's not like Big Rig Bounty Hunters or Pawn Stars are really academic fact-finding missions, either.
SEASON PREMIERE All-Star Celebrity Apprentice, 9 p.m., NBC Having an all-star season of Celebrity Apprentice, even if it features Gary Busey and Bret Michaels, is a little like saying your favorite cars are the Geo Metro, the AMC Pacer and the Datsun B210. Sure, people may have heard of them, and they can occasionally get up and go, but nobody really wants them to come back into fashion.
SERIES PREMIERE Red Widow, 9 p.m., ABC A woman whose husband has died not only needs to infiltrate the criminal underworld, she also has to stop making trailers that make husbands feel so uncomfortable. Plus, it's Radha Mitchell, so they feel uncomfortable in more ways than one.
SERIES PREMIERE Vikings, 10 p.m., History After the Bible, settle in for this retelling of the historical saga of Viking king Ragnar Lothbrok, whose tale sounds an awful lot like a Game of Thrones character. It's a sight better than Swamp People.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org