On TV this weekend
Thin Ice, 8 p.m., ABC Figure skaters Jamie Sale, Patrice Lauzon, Shizuka Arakawa, Shae-Lynn Bourne, David Pelletier, John Zimmerman, Michael Weiss and more compete as pairs for a panel of judges that includes Kristi Yamaguchi and Dick Button. Kim Yu-na won't be there, though. Sorry.
Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC We find out Lisa Kudrow has roots in Belarus, a victory for Belarussian-Americans everywhere.
The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO A segment featuring firefighters using monkeys to rescue people gives us really good ideas for what to do with that monkey that has been on the loose in Tampa Bay for the past year.
SERIES PREMIERE Freakiest Foods, 10 p.m., Food Network Next Food Network Star Adam Gertler looks for the weirdest foods in America (example: tempura-battered tarantula) to eat them and tell you why they're weird. It's like Andrew Zimmern, but the guy is skinnier and has hair.
Dana Carvey: Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies, 11 p.m., Comedy Central If you don't believe in paying for HBO, here's a special from June 2008 that will partially explain the comedian's apparent comeback. You might like it if you think Saturday Night Live was best from 1986 to 1993.
The Simpsons, 8 p.m., Fox Word of warning: Michelle Obama is in this episode, but in image only; Angela Bassett is providing the voice. You'd think the Obamas could arrange something in their quest to win every voter younger than 45.
SERIES PREMIERE Minute to Win It, 8 p.m., NBC Contestants perform inane tasks over and over again in an attempt to win enough money to live comfortably. We already play that game show eight hours a day, five days a week.
SERIES PREMIERE Kirstie Alley's Big Life, 10 p.m., A&E If you ever wanted to see why Alley seems like such a raging nutcase on her Twitter account, follow her exploits trying to lose weight, raise a family and keep out of the loony bin. We're betting none of those things is entirely a success.
SERIES PREMIERE Jerseylicious, 10 p.m., Style Another reality show about Jerseyites, this time about a salon. Do mobsters hang out in front of it all day talking about who they want to have frosted?
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org