On TV this weekend
SEASON FINALE Kitchen Nightmares, 8 p.m., Fox Gordon Ramsay tells a Mexican restaurant in Chicago they need to andale, but it's difficult for them to comply. They must not understand the British accent.
Supernatural, 9 p.m., CW Sam and Dean have to fight a vengeful Japanese monster called a shojo. As opposed to the vengeful Korean alcohol called soju.
Fringe, 9 p.m., Fox The team gets a case in this reality, which apparently is a rare occurrence. Where's an alternate reality when you need it?
Spartacus: Vengeance, 10 p.m., Starz The rebels finally realize that, hey, the Roman army is way stronger. That's not enough to stop our boy Sparty, though.
SEASON FINALE Merlin, 10 p.m., Syfy Morgana and Helios capture Camelot, which has Arthur down, for obvious reasons. But we hear he was born to lead, so we'll see what happens.
The Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon It's always fun to see which celebrities actually show up to give the kids a thrill. Nicki Minaj is a given, but what say you, Tom Cruise?
SERIES PREMIERE Escape Routes, 8 p.m., NBC A reality show set against a road trip. But it's totally not Amazing Race, you guys. Seriously.
The 47th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards, 8 p.m., CBS Blake Shelton and Reba McEntire again host this entry into the neverending parade of country music award shows. It's the ACMs, not the CMTs, ACAs or CMAs. What's so confusing about that?
MINISERIES PREMIERE Great Expectations, 8 p.m., PBS Gillian Anderson is playing Miss Havisham, so expect literary nerds and nerd nerds to combine forces to give PBS even better ratings than Downton Abbey got. It could happen.
SEASON PREMIERE The Killing, 8 p.m., AMC Still not getting what's so compelling about one killing. The Walking Dead has literally thousands of dead folks; you don't see them gettin' all proud of it.
SERIES PREMIERE Wicked Tuna, 10 p.m., NatGeo Massachusetts fisherman go looking for a good time, killing wildlife and murdering the English language. They should talk to Gordon Ramsay about that.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org