On TV this weekend
SERIES FINALE Smallville, 8 p.m., CW It only took a decade, but it looks like Clark Kent is finally growing up, bringing this show to a close. But don't worry, the CW will reboot it in a year or so, surely.
SEASON FINALE Shark Tank, 8 p.m., ABC Another year of people trying to get paid for harebrained schemes that won't work comes to a close. We get plenty of that in our staff meetings, already.
SEASON FINALE CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS Mac's near-death experience makes him determined to close his last unsolved case. The fact he only has one is proof this is just a TV show, because real cops have hundreds of cold cases.
SERIES PREMIERE Swamp Brothers, 10 p.m., Discovery On the heels of the Cajun Swamp People on History and Swamp Loggers on the same network, this reality vehicle follows a wildlife-focused family as they collect alligator eggs and chase feral hogs in an attempt to convince the entire world swamps are the only ecosystem in Florida.
Chase, 8 p.m., NBC Eddie Cibrian shows up as a bounty hunter, no doubt looking for Leann Rimes.
Nick Cannon: Mr. Showbiz, 9 p.m., Showtime Mr. Mariah Carey shows up to do some comedy. Think he'll be talking about his wife and kids at all?
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m., NBC Ed Helms from The Office hosts, which is fine, but Paul Simon is the musical guest, assuring thousands of baby boomers who can't work their DVRs will be staying up late.
SEASON FINALE Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 8 p.m., ABC A 9-year-old with a bone disease meets his favorite celebrity, The Middle's Atticus Shaffer. Hey, when you've got an awful disease, you set your sights fairly low.
SEASON PREMIERE Jerseylicious, 8 p.m., Style The difference between this and Jersey Shore is that while MTV's show is about meatheads obsessed with how they look, this one is about meatheads obsessed with how each other looks.
SEASON FINALE Survivor: Redemption Island, 8 p.m., CBS Yet another ending rewarding unscrupulous behavior and/or punishing wishful thinking. How long until we're allowed to vote with our TV remotes?
SEASON FINALE Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC This show has gotten so bad, we can't even keep track of what's going on anymore. It won't get better until Nicolette Sheridan wins her wrongful-termination lawsuit and is allowed to come back to haunt these crones.
SEASON FINALE The Cleveland Show, 9:30 p.m., Fox Katee Sackhoff, Eliza Dushku and Emily Deschanel court the nerd vote by voicing a hologram at a comic book convention. See, Fox, this is how you pander to a target audience.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org