On TV this weekend
SEASON FINALE Smallville, 8 p.m., CW Clark and Zod battle for control of the Earth, leaving us to wonder if Callum Blue will get to utter the immortal phrase, "Kneel before Zod!"
Kitchen Nightmares, 9 p.m., Fox The owner of a sushi restaurant loses his passion for cooking after one of his locations isn't successful. To be fair, is there a lot of actual "cooking" involved in making sushi?
SEASON PREMIERE Gavin and Stacey, 9 p.m., BBC America The couple must adjust to living in Wales. We've never been there, but we hear the Welsh can be none-too-inviting to outsiders. Of course, it's the English who say that.
WNBA: Phoenix Mercury vs. Los Angeles Sparks, 2 p.m., ESPN2 Yes, the 14th season tips off. No, we don't know anything about it. We thought this would be on The Ocho.
SEASON FINALE Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m., NBC After Betty White finally made it on, any other host this season is doomed to fail. Can't wait to see who gets fired over the summer!
2010 Miss USA Pageant, 7 p.m., NBC If you watch this regularly, you already know it's on. If you don't, hey, look! Swimsuits and high heels!
The Simpsons, 8 p.m., Fox Sideshow Bob makes his eleventy billionth appearance tonight. Hilarity ... uh ... ensues?
SEASON FINALE Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, 8 p.m., CBS Truth be told, we haven't watched this one since Richard Hatch won the inaugural season. Our resident Survivor fan quit long ago, so the best I can tell you is that you probably won't like whoever wins this round.
SEASON FINALE Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC After this season, this yawner melodramedy may be off the DVR list. What's the best they can do this week, kill someone in an explosion? This is the most dangerous block in America, folks.
SERIES FINALE The Pacific, 9 p.m., HBO Not to ruin it for you, but the Japanese don't win. Not to worry; they get their revenge 65 years later by making us fear our car accelerators.
SEASON FINALE Brothers & Sisters, 10 p.m., ABC People are divorcin', dyin' and goin' broke. They must have watched too much Survivor.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org