On TV this weekend
SEASON PREMIERE Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team, 8 p.m., CMT Another year of hopelessly hot young women being told they are way too fat.
Smallville, 8 p.m., CW Here we are at 200 episodes, and no one has yet noticed that Clark isn't around when people get rescued.
SERIES PREMIERE School Pride, 8 p.m., NBC The makers of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition fix up rundown schools, because taxpayers and the government sure as heck aren't going to do it.
SEASON PREMIERE World's Strictest Parents, 9 p.m., CMT We're starting to think these disobedient kids need more shame, not discipline, to turn their lives around. Punishment is temporary, but embarrassment lasts a lifetime.
SEASON PREMIERE Sanctuary, 10 p.m., SyFy Massive tsunamis are on the way to destroy mankind. We thought global warming was much more gradual.
SEASON PREMIERE Conspiracy Theory With Jesse Ventura, 10 p.m., TruTV Jesse tries to find out whether Plum Island is conducting biowarfare experiments. Silly conspiracy theorists, everyone knows we can't locate the real secret military-testing facilities.
Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster, 7 p.m., Cartoon Can they really show a new live-action version of a cartoon on Cartoon Network? Yes, they can.
SERIES PREMIERE Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp, 10 p.m., VH1 Kip Winger and Mark Hudson teach hopelessly deluded wannabes how to rock our socks. Or at least make them feel like that's what they're doing.
SEASON PREMIERE Paranormal State, 9 p.m., A&E If they ever actually proved the existence of ghosts on this show, you sure as heck wouldn't be reading about the season premiere in the pointless TV capsules.
SERIES PREMIERE Luther, 10 p.m., BBC America He's a detective, but we learn who the killer is from the onset. That kinda ruins the detecting part for us.
SEASON FINALE Mad Men, 10 p.m., AMC And so ends another season of a show we don't watch, despite everyone telling us we absolutely must, with Don Draper heading further down the spiral of self-doubt. Hey, it took us almost three seasons to finally adopt 30 Rock, so we'll get around to it.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org