On TV this weekend
Supernatural, 9 p.m., CW Geek goddess Jewel Staite (you know, the mechanic from Firefly) stars as a demon who eats people's brains. A couple of geeks watching this show won't make it to the end without passing out.
SEASON PREMIERE Say Yes to the Dress, 9 p.m., TLC Kelly Ripa consults on bridal gowns for a day. Blessedly, only one day.
SERIES PREMIERE Top Secret Recipe, 9 p.m., CMT Todd Wilbur tries to figure out the recipe to foods Americans love, like Cinnabons and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Hint: The secret ingredient is tons of saturated fat.
SEASON PREMIERE Sanctuary, 10 p.m., SyFy The Abnormals are here, overrunning the Earth. Just check out who's at the mall these days as proof.
The Dead Files, 10 p.m., Travel Amy and Steve go to a small California town to find out whether a family there really has been haunted for generations. When their house folded in on itself, they started to get suspicious.
SERIES PREMIERE The Adam Carolla Project, 10 p.m., DIY The comedian/love counselor/gearhead wants to turn his childhood home into a million-dollar megapad. Now, where to put that girl aquarium?
Major League Baseball: ALCS Game 1, 7:30 p.m., Fox Avert your eyes, Rays faithful. Although, according to Stu Sternberg, you wouldn't watch even if the Rays were on the field.
SEASON PREMIERE Rules of Engagement, 8 p.m., CBS Russell accidentally married Liz while he was on his cruise. Boy, those little wristbands do let you pay for everything.
SEASON FINALE Breaking Bad, 10 p.m., AMC This show is so good, it's already painful to think it's going to end next year. But that's a few months away, right?
Kim's Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event, 8 p.m., E! Hey, didja hear there was this ridiculous reality show star who won fame by hanging out with some rich airhead, then made a bad sex tape with a C-list rapper, then married an NBA player who has nothing else to do right now, sold it to Ryan Seacrest and got rich off it? Here she is. Good thing she wore white.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org