On TV this weekend
SEASON PREMIERE Shark Tank, 8 p.m., ABC Someone invented a belt buckle that holds beverages? Why? We've already got a helmet for that.
SEASON PREMIERE What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC This show needs more insane hypotheticals, like, "What would you do if you found your boss' wallet in the parking lot and discovered he was REALLY A VAMPIRE THIS WHOLE TIME?!?"
The Ninth Annual Style Awards, 8 p.m., Style The best fashions from the past year are honored. Here's hoping they bestow a lifetime achievement award on the inventor of Pajama Jeans.
Boss, 9 p.m., Starz Kane's hallucinations are spiralling out of control. He imagines that before becoming mayor of Chicago, he used to be a psychiatrist in Boston, then a talk show host in Seattle.
SEASON PREMIERE The Ultimate Fighter, 9 p.m., FX Sixteen fighters duke it out for a shot at a UFC contract. Beats dealing with Gordon Ramsay any day of the week.
SEASON FINALE Saving Hope, 8 p.m., NBC Flesh-eating bacteria always draws ratings.
Pegasus vs. Chimera, 9 p.m., SyFy Sebastian Roche from Fringe somehow helps Pegasus the winged horse fight another mythical beast in a battle for the worst special effects.
SERIES PREMIERE Redneck Rehab, 10 p.m., CMT A would-be singer returns to the "dirt, guns and beer" upbringing in yet another attempt by basic cable to convince us to consider the uneducated lower classes as entertainment. Honey Boo Boo was the pinnacle for you guys, so everything else is downhill.
SEASON PREMIERE Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m., NBC Seth McFarlane hosts and Frank Ocean sings as we celebrate Jason Sudeikis returning and mourn the loss of Abby Elliott, Andy Samberg and Kristen Wiig. But not Gilly. Gilly sucked.
Food, Faith, and Culture: An Interfaith Special, 8 p.m., CBS A look at foods across the religious spectrum, in case you wanted to know what Jews, Muslims or Sikhs eat when they sit in front of the TV and snack mindlessly.
SEASON PREMIERE Boardwalk Empire, 9 p.m., HBO We're starting on New Year's Eve, but it really is just after Labor Day. Thanks for ruining our sense of time, HBO.
SEASON FINALE Keeping Up with the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E! After NBC ran that stupid interview with Kris Jenner discussing her breast implants instead of the moment of silence for Sept. 11, you should boycott this on principal, whether you watch the show or not.
SERIES FINALE Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime It's time to say goodbye to pot-selling mom Mary-Louise Parker, and all the uncomfortable MILFy advertising campaigns and sex scenes with Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell.
— Jay Cridlin firstname.lastname@example.org and Joshua Gillin email@example.com