On TV this weekend
The Watsons Go to Birmingham, 8 p.m., Hallmark In this movie, an African-American family takes a road trip to Birmingham, Ala., during the Civil Rights Movement in 1963. Meanwhile, up in New York, a bunch of drunk, white ad executives are busy trying to convince America to smoke Lucky Strike cigarettes.
SEASON PREMIERE Last Man Standing, 8 p.m., ABC Tim Allen's character helps a couple of loyal customers pack for a moose hunt. Hopefully without using the N-word.
SEASON PREMIERE The Neighbors, 8:30 p.m., ABC People who like this suburban-alien sitcom say it picked up steam during its first season. That's how the aliens get you — they sneak in, THEN assimilate.
SEASON PREMIERE Shark Tank, 9 p.m., ABC Among the products pitched tonight: cake balls and pickles based on a 100-year-old family recipe. As long as they don't make "pickle-cake balls," we're in.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC Jimmy Fallon stops by, presumably to begin the lengthy process of getting that old-denim smell out of the Tonight Show studio.
2013 Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards, 9 p.m., FXX The technical awards no one but the nominees' parents care about are still important enough to warrant presenters like Heidi Klum and Joel McHale. It's not a big enough deal to air live, however, because this ceremony was on Sept. 15.
Taken: The Search for Sophie Parker, 8 p.m., Lifetime A spring-breaker in Moscow ends up in a sex-slavery ring. That's dramatic enough to warrant the question: Who goes to Moscow for spring break?
65th Primetime Emmy Awards, 8 p.m., CBS Neil Patrick Harris hosts another round of celebrating the best shows on television (or the Internet), trying to convince us that Breaking Bad won't win every drama category. Ironically, it will run during the series finale of a show that knows a few things about Emmys …
SERIES FINALE Dexter, 9 p.m., Showtime … and one of those things is that Michael C. Hall has been nominated for a best-dramatic-actor Emmy five times and still hasn't won. Maybe tonight, the last night he plays the titular serial killer, he'll get lucky. What's that? He's not even nominated? Well, he still has his Golden Globe.
SEASON FINALE Ray Donovan, 9 p.m., Showtime Tune in tonight for the latest installment of this continuing saga of whether or not Liev Schreiber is physically capable of cracking a smile. Good thing this one was renewed, so we have all next season to see if he can.
SEASON FINALE Devious Maids, 10 p.m., Lifetime This combo of Desperate Housewives and Downtown Abbey based on a Mexican dramedy comes to a close for the year, also confidently heading into a second season. ABC is probably wishing they had picked up the pilot after all.
— Jay Cridlin firstname.lastname@example.org and Joshua Gillin email@example.com