On TV this weekend
Presidential Debate, 9 p.m., ABC Place your bets — not on who wins, but on whether it will happen at all.
Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger, 9 p.m., HBO Can Chris Rock still be funny? Can a presidential candidate still scapegoat his opponent?
SEASON PREMIERE 48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS The mystery here is how the government actually finds the person they're looking for.
SEASON PREMIERE The Amazing Race, 8 p.m., CBS Just once, we want them to try to find the most elusive object of all: A Tampa Bay sports fan who doesn't complain.
SEASON PREMIERE The Simpsons, 8 p.m., Fox Marge goes to work at an erotic bakery, which will ironically require her to wear a hair net.
SEASON PREMIERE King of the Hill, 8:30 p.m., Fox Bill gets diabetes. Also shocking: the boys drink beer in the alley.
SEASON PREMIERE Family Guy, 9 p.m., Fox Remember when this show was funny? You know, back before it was canceled.
SEASON PREMIERE American Dad, 9:30 p.m., Fox Steve goes through puberty, which will automatically kill half the jokes they give him.
SEASON PREMIERE Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC We've jumped forward a couple years, in which all the housewives now have jobs working at Burger King because they're losing their houses because of the lousy economy.
SEASON PREMIERE Cold Case, 9 p.m., CBS Violence? Involving football players? Oh, do go on!
SEASON PREMIERE Dexter, 9 p.m., Showtime Again testing the theory that he's popular, yet not enough for his own series, Jimmy Smits guest-stars.
SEASON PREMIERE Californication, 10 p.m., Showtime Since David Duchovny really did become a sex addict, the thrill is somehow gone.
SERIES PREMIERE Little Britain USA, 10:30 p.m., HBO Another Brit show ripped off by Americans. Hey, it's our job to export junk culture, not yours!
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org