On TV tonight
SEASON FINALE America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW Who wins, the 6-foot-2 freak show or the platinum blond with the HOV lane between her front teeth? Like it matters — neither will get work after their contract is up.
The President's Book of Secrets, 9 p.m., History Stuff so secret, only the president is allowed to know, like where the aliens bought condos, and where they forge the Hawaiian birth certificates.
SERIES PREMIERE Storage Wars, 10 p.m., A&E Another show about the people who sift through auctions and storage units to find stuff to sell to gullible rubes like the people on Hoarders. That makes three, at last count.
SEASON PREMIERE Top Chef All-Stars, 10 p.m., Bravo Chefs who were likable but not bankable try to vindicate their names by subjecting themselves to the same backbiting and ludicrous judging standards they couldn't hack in the first place.
The Grammy Nominations Concert Live: Countdown to Music's Biggest Night, 10 p.m., CBS Justin Bieber, B.o.B., Miranda Lambert, Bruno Mars and Katy Perry help build up the announcement of nominations you don't care about for an awards show you won't watch.
SEASON FINALE Terriers, 10 p.m., FX What are the chances anything with Hank or Britt will get resolved tonight? Yeah, we don't think they're good, either.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com