On TV tonight
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS The team tries to find a killer who embalms his victims to keep their bodies around longer than he should, and Cybill Shepherd plays his mom. Sometimes the jokes are just too easy.
Life on Mars, 10 p.m., ABC A couple of the characters are waiting for UFOs in the Meadowlands in New Jersey. That's dumb — everyone knows UFOs show up in the Pine Barrens.
Top Chef, 10 p.m., Bravo As much as we really want to dislike Stefan, the man knows his stuff, and doesn't take any crap from the other chefs. Maybe that's why they all hate him so much.
SERIES PREMIERE Important Things With Demetri Martin, 10 p.m., Comedy Central Something tells us that what we've seen in the commercials for this comedian's new half-hour stand-up routine on TV is the best of his jokes. What would lead us to think that?
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com