On TV tonight
I Shouldn't Be Alive, 9 p.m., Animal Planet A hiker and his dog are stranded on New Zealand's South Island after a calamitous fall. Luckily, a pack of wayward hobbits eventually find them.
2011 ESPYs, 9 p.m., ESPN Seth Myers returns as host of this awards show, which honors the best person in every sport on Earth. Well, maybe not fishermen. Wait, that too?
The Curious Case of Curt Flood, 9 p.m., HBO A documentary on the St. Louis Cardinals outfielder who changed free-agency rules by fighting a 1969 trade to the Philadelphia Phillies. We'd fight that move tooth and nail, too.
SERIES PREMIERE Roseanne's Nuts, 9 p.m., Lifetime Ever wonder what Rosey has been up to lately? Can you believe she's managing a macadamia nut farm in Hawaii? Actually yes, yes we can.
SEASON PREMIERE Ghost Hunters International, 9 p.m., SyFy The ghost of a slave master haunts a cocoa plantation in Trinidad. That's what they tell the gullible tourists willing to pay for a tour, at least.
SERIES PREMIERE One Man Army, 10 p.m. Discovery Contestants battle military and law-enforcement operatives in a series of challenges to win $10,000. It's like American Gladiators meets Ninja Warrior, except here you very well could get killed by either the obstacle course or the other competitors.
SEASON PREMIERE Rescue Me, 10 p.m., FX Given the good-natured family fare this show usually offers, it's safe to say Tommy and the gang's last season will be all sunshine and lollipops, right?
SERIES PREMIERE The Franchise: A Season With the San Francisco Giants, 10 p.m., Showtime A documentary series that follows the world champs. As long as Barry Bonds doesn't show up, we're fine with that.
SERIES PREMIERE Legend Quest, 10 p.m., SyFy An adventure series that sounds like a cross between Indiana Jones and Stargate. Probably without the aliens, though. Probably.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org