On TV tonight
Back in the Game, 8:30 p.m., ABC Danny wants to go trick-or-treating with his teammates, but they're all scared of getting beat up by David and the other bullies. Guys, you're a baseball team. Have Grandpa Terry show you The Warriors so you can dress up as the Baseball Furies and take care of business.
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS A killer in Utah seems fascinated with the Salem Witch Trials. That means when you catch the person, tie them up in a sack and throw them in the river. If they get out of the bag, everything's cool.
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., SyFy Going to Cooperstown, N.Y., to look for ghosts in a supposedly haunted mansion is such a waste of time. They should go to the Baseball Hall of Fame to search for the ghost of untainted player achievements.
SEASON PREMIERE Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, 10:30 p.m., MTV There's a second season of this reality show, for some strange reason. We checked out when she started yammering about drinking her own urine.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com