How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m., CBS
It would not be a stretch to say we've stuck with these last few mediocre seasons of the show just to see Marshall dole out the rest of the slaps he won against Barney in their infamous Slap Bet. This new episode, "Slapsgiving No. 3: Slappointment," is what we've been waiting for.
Chozen, 10:30 p.m., FX
Saturday Night Live's Bobby Moynihan voices this new animated comedy's title character, a gay white aspiring rapper who's just gotten out of prison and is determined to become a superstar. Well, that sounds like a solid premise if we've ever heard one.
SEASON PREMIERE American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox
Just when we thought we'd never watch another episode of American Idol ever again, new judge Harry Connick Jr.'s New Orleans charm draws us back in. Darn those piercing blue eyes!
SEASON PREMIERE Suburgatory, 8:30 p.m., ABC
Welcome back, residents of Chatswin! We've had to go far too long without your brand of absurd suburban shenanigans in our lives. We're dying to find out what Dalia Royce thinks about twerking.
Nashville, 10 p.m., ABC
Sometime around Halloween, we stopped watching Nashville without even realizing it. We'd miss a few episodes, and then not worry about catching them later. Why? Oh, plenty of reasons, most of them involving the show's belief that Teddy is an interesting character. But this is one crafty show. This week, Kelly Clarkson (our favorite singer on the planet) guest stars as herself, making an offer to Scarlet and Gunnar (our favorite singing duo on the show). Consider us back in, Nashville.
SEASON PREMIERE Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 9 p.m., TLC
In the Thompson clan's return, Sugar Bear gets a Man Camper, the girls enjoy some primping and the family makes another trip to the Redneck Games. And once again we question the bar for "entertainment" in our society.
The Crazy Ones, 9 p.m., CBS
We're just going to say it: Josh Groban is funnier than half the characters on television. Which is why we're stoked he's guest starring on this show as a former co-worker of Sydney's (Sarah Michelle Gellar) who's infatuated with her. Oooh, weird stalker Groban!
Flowers in the Attic, 8 p.m., Lifetime
Heather Graham and Ellen Burstyn (both sporting some serious crazy eye) lead the cast of this adaptation of V.C. Andrews' 1979 incest-filled novel. The best part? Kiernan Shipka a.k.a. Mad Men's Sally Draper plays the older daughter. In any case, Lifetime musmust think the movie is good; they've already ordered a sequel.
20th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, 8 p.m., TNT
Ever the humble group, actors gather for this awards show in very expensive clothing to honor each other for their hard work over the past year.