NFL Preseason Football, 8 p.m., ESPN: The Jets and Giants show off their new Meadowlands Stadium, the venue so expensive they couldn't sell naming rights.
SERIES PREMIERE Hardcore Pawn, 10 p.m., TruTV: Another series about a pawnshop. If we wanted to watch this, we'd go to the local one our neighbors have to frequent to pay their homeowners insurance bill.
SERIES PREMIERE Big Lake, 10 p.m., Comedy Central: A Wall Street trader who loses his parents' retirement fund has to move back in with them. This is Comedy Central? For a minute there we thought we were watching CNN.
SEASON PREMIERE Primetime: Family Secrets, 10 p.m., ABC: The season comes to a close in the cheeriest way possible: by profiling a guy who killed nine of his own children. Tell that story the next time your kids won't behave.
Man vs. Wild, 9 p.m., Discovery: A new season premiered last week and we forgot. He's still alive, FYI.
Top Chef, 10 p.m., Bravo: Will you guys please vote off that creepy Alex already? Man, he's annoying. Maybe the CIA folks they're cooking for can take care of that.
SERIES PREMIERE Surviving the Cut, 10 p.m., Discovery: Candidates for elite military training show us they're way tougher than you in a show that will make you feel simultaneously proud and inadequate.
SEASON FINALE Hot in Cleveland, 10 p.m., TV Land: Betty White made it through the entire season of this freshman sitcom. Hey, at her age, you've got to enjoy every moment.
SERIES PREMIERE Extreme Cuisine With Jeff Corwin, 8 p.m., Food: Jeff Corwin heads to New Zealand to sample some Kiwi fare, like green-finned eels, monster crawfish and a mutton dish called Colonial Goose. Wow, things really are upside down there.
NightlinePrime — Secrets of Your Mind: Why We Do What We Do, 10 p.m., ABC: A four-part series about how the human brain works begins tonight. Start by explaining why our memory is so bad we'll completely forget about this series two segments into it.
SERIES PREMIERE You're Wearing That?!?, 10 p.m., WE: Yes, it's another show stating that you're completely unattractive, unable to function in society and deserve to be flogged unless you buy an ungodly amount of makeup and clothing. Ah, America.
Whale Wars, 8 p.m., Animal Planet: Pete Bethune wants to poison a dead whale's meat by injecting it with a 10-foot hypodermic needle. Jeez, just aim it at the whaling vessels?
SERIES PREMIERE Dual Survival, 10 p.m., Discovery: A couple of survival experts try to re-enact true-life scenarios where hikers and campers were stranded and had to survive with only the stuff they brought with them.