SERIES PREMIERE The Carrie Diaries, 8 p.m., CW: It's Sex and the City, but with Carrie Bradshaw as a teenager who loses her mother and will one day grow up, move to New York, become a column writer and only then wallow in self-pity.
SERIES PREMIERE Continuum, 8 p.m., SyFy: A cop from 2077 must travel to present-day Vancouver to locate eight terrorists who escaped from prison just before their executions. We hope she runs into Scully and Mulder from The X-Files and asks them for help.
SEASON PREMIERE Being Human, 9 p.m., SyFy: Aidan was buried alive at the end of last season, so we can only hope the writers find some creative ways to dig up some new story lines. See what we did there?
Emily Owens, M.D., 9 p.m., CW: A psychic thinks her tarot cards are predicting her death. Well, you'd think she would know.
Justified, 10 p.m., FX: Raylan meets a family that's hiding something. That's about as specific as these Justified synopses get, folks.
SEASON PREMIERE American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox: The 12th season begins with no one talking about how The X Factor is falling apart and Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj fighting all the time. Wink, wink.
SERIES PREMIERE Bobby's Dinner Battle, 10 p.m., Food: Bobby Flay tests home cooks with no training to cook a three-course dinner party as part of a new competition series. Get ready for Hamburger Helper, Stove Top stuffing and Blue Bunny ice cream every episode.
Anger Management, 9 p.m., FX: This show lasted the initial order of 10 episodes, despite being pure garbage. Good thing FX ordered NINETY MORE.
SERIES PREMIERE King of the Nerds, 10 p.m., TBS: Robert Carradine and Curtis Armstrong (Lewis Skolnick and Booger) from Revenge of the Nerds host a competition among 11 dorks who are judged by George Takei, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes in order to win $100,000. Or just become the head of Microsoft, which pays better.
SERIES FINALE Fringe, 8 p.m., Fox: We reach 100 episodes and the end of the series at the exact same time! Such an eventful night!
Betty White's Off Their Rockers, 8 p.m., NBC: Betty White and Gangnam Style's Psy in the same episode? It's like they want a viral video or something.
Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO: Bill is back after the holiday. Wonder if anything's happened in the news that attracted his attention ...
Joshua Gillin, email@example.com