How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m., CBS
Fierce fashion guru Tim Gunn guest stars as himself in tonight's episode. Hopefully he'll take one look at the Ted-having-feelings-for-Robin situation and be just as disapproving as we are.
SEASON PREMIERE American Horror Story: Coven, 10 p.m., FX
Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett join an already impressive returning cast (led by the wonderful Jessica Lange) for American Horror Story's third installment. As part of the show's reset each season, the story moves to New Orleans and focuses on a witch coven. Last season's arc in an insane asylum was bonkers in the best way (lampshades made out of skin, a double leg amputation, Adam Levine was in a few episodes), so we can't wait to see what kind of witchcraft AHS has scared up for its new season.
Glee, 9 p.m., Fox
We're never going to watch this show the same way again, not after Cory Monteith died of a drug overdose this summer. Now Glee is officially killing his character Finn Hudson off the show, and no amount of chipper singing is going to overcome that. So we're bracing ourselves for Thursday's episode: It's the Finn tribute. It'll feature the Rent song Seasons of Love and the Band Perry's If I Die Young, a.k.a. two of the most tear-inducing songs ever, as if we needed more reasons to cry. Pass the tissues.
SERIES PREMIERE Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, 8 p.m., ABC
Why come up with an original idea for a TV show when you can just spin-off an existing concept? That's what the people behind Once Upon a Time are doing with this new show, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. To be fair, if any show could stand to lose some of its characters, it's the sprawling Once Upon a Time, which was at its best before it had so many fairy tales to juggle. In Wonderland, everyone thinks Alice (Sophie Lowe) is crazy for telling stories about a strange land, natch, and she's about to be treated for insanity when she's rescued by the Knave of Hearts (Michael Socha) and the White Rabbit (John Lithgow).
Sean Saves the World, 9 p.m., NBC
Will someone please rescue the wonderfully talented Megan Hilty (Smash) from this show? Sean Hayes (who plays a gay single dad named Sean) is a gem, but this comedy is just okay. And it's a crime to keep Broadway belter Hilty (who plays the co-worker of Hayes' character) in a supporting role anywhere, let alone in an old-fashioned sitcom. Here's an idea, NBC: Give her a show where she can sing and act and be her charming self (so, like Smash, but actually good). We bet it'd be better than half the network's primetime programming. Be free, Hilty!
What Not to Wear, 10 p.m., TLC
It's the typical What Not to Wear story: A woman is looking for the man of her dreams, but her wardrobe — heavy on the animal hats and knee-high hosiery — is getting in the way. Wait a minute — animal hats? Oh, honey. Clinton and Stacy have their work cut out for them.
SEASON PREMIERE The Walking Dead, 9 p.m., AMC
The zombies are back for a fourth season, and first-time showrunner Scott Gimple takes over the show as Glen Mazzara departs. The scariest part? This is Dead's third showrunner since it began in 2010. Good luck following that other AMC show that just ended!
Michelle Stark can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.