One Nation Under Dog: Stories of Fear, Loss & Betrayal, 9 p.m., HBO: Eight stories about how devoted Americans are to dogs. Or not devoted, as the case may be. It may also explain why we're fine with 138 people being gunned down in a movie, but if someone kicks the dog, you cry.
SERIES PREMIERE Miss Advised, 10 p.m., Bravo: Relationship advisers apparently can't save their own families in yet another reality show.
SERIES PREMIERE Bristol Palin: Life's a Tripp, 10 p.m., Lifetime: Sarah Palin's daughter elects to fight back against the media by being in an unwatchable reality show designed to elicit empathy but makes her look worse than before.
SEASON FINALE United Stats of America, 11 p.m., History: Your average house has grown from 750 square feet to 2,500 square feet in the past 60 years, and yet you still complain about closet space.
MINISERIES PREMIERE Inside Men, 10 p.m., BBC America: Three guys working at a cash security depot scheme to steal millions. If they were on Wall Street, this would be a how-to video.
SEASON PREMIERE Futurama, 10 p.m., Comedy Central: The return of the best animated show that was on TV, then off TV, then on DVD, then on basic cable. Wanda Sykes is the voice of a vending machine Bender knocks up, so we're off to a running start.
Justin Bieber: All Around the World, 8 p.m., NBC: Biebs went to seven countries in 12 days to record this show, but instead of getting to see girls get trampled in Oslo, or Justin getting a concussion by walking into a glass door in Paris, it's just him singing.
The Secret Life of Elephants, 9 p.m., Animal Planet: Learn so much about the familial structure and intelligence of pachyderms that you'd rather have them over than your own family on Thanksgiving.
Don Friesen: Ask Your Mom, 10 p.m., Showtime: After this week, we need a few laughs. The two-time winner of the San Francisco International Comedy Competition should be able to do it.
Common Law, 10 p.m., USA: Wes and Travis chase a pair pretending to be Bonnie and Clyde. Oliver Stone won't be making a movie about them, so they really should give up now.
Joshua Gillin, email@example.com