Suddenly May is the new June in Hollywood, with four new films revolving around the sacred institution of marriage.
Paraphrasing the old joke: Anyone getting married in the movies should be institutionalized. Nothing goes right on the way to the altar; things often go terribly wrong when the happy couple gets there.
Starting today, Jumping the Broom and Something Borrowed become moviegoers' latest invitation to witness the unions of pretty people in holy matrimony (or not). Next Friday's release Bridesmaids looks like The Hangover with matching dresses to never be worn again. Two weeks later The Hangover II will get Ed Helms to the church on time from Bangkok. Maybe.
Which got us fantasizing about the ultimate movie wedding party photograph, featuring cinema's most memorable bride, groom, best man, maid of honor and new in-laws.
If anyone feels this idea should not be carried out, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Elsa Lanchester, Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
You have to love a bride who never met the groom before, and hisses when she does. Her electroshock hairdo may have inspired Princess Beatrice's hat at the recent royal wedding. And those eyes … really, just try blinking once in a while.
Justin Bartha, The Hangover (2009)
What's not to admire? The guy sleeps through all the decadent stuff his bachelor party pals go through, waking up with an $80,000 windfall and making it to the altar from Las Vegas only a few minutes behind schedule. I'd call him quite a catch, ladies.
Best best man
Hugh Grant, Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
Grant's toast at the first wedding was a star-making moment, featuring a shining example of extemporaneous embarrassment: "The divorce came through a couple of months ago. But I'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech."
Best maid of honor
Julia Roberts, My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
Sure, she hated the bride (Cameron Diaz) and tried to steal away the groom (Dermot Mulroney) but she eventually did the right thing, learning: "Getting what you deserve is totally unfair." The makers of Something Borrowed should've borrowed such class and wit for essentially the same scenario.
Best bride's parents
Michael Constantine and Lainie Kazan, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Admit it: You've tried using Windex to cure everything from psoriasis to poison ivy on the advice of Gus Portokalos, and we all live by his wife Maria's wisdom: "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."
Best groom's parents
Barbra Streisand and Dustin Hoffman, Meet the Fockers (2004)
Practically a default pick since Hollywood typically pays little attention to grooms and less to their parents. Even if the field were crowded, Bernie and Roz Focker would be tough to beat; a seniors sex therapist and a horny old hippie, both overly proud of their son's ninth-place track ribbons.
Steve Persall can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or (727) 893-8365.