New movie today
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
The gist: Even more of everyone's favorite abstinence parable, this time forcing Bella to finally choose whether she doesn't want to have sex with a vampire or doesn't want to have sex with a werewolf. Hey, since when did vampires and werewolves hate each other so much? Underworld ruined everything. PG-13
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Bryce Dallas Howard, Ashley Greene, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli and Dakota Fanning.
The buzz: At least there's a lot of killin' in this version. Bella survives, unfortch. Oops, spoiler alert. "The truth is, almost everyone planning to see Eclipse will know how things end before the opening credits even appear. So Slade and his cast can be proud that they consistently keep us involved anyway," the New York Daily News reasons.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org