New movies this week
The gist: A desperate, 40-year-old single woman gets artificial insemination, then finds out she actually ended up with her best friend's sample. Her best friend just so happens to be the creepy guy from Juno. PG-13
Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Patrick Wilson and Jeff Goldblum.
The buzz: A rom-com that is light on both rom and com. "There's zero heat between Aniston and Bateman; what synthetic feelings the film does generate involve the father/son relationship," the Kansas City Star says.
The gist: An aimless comedy in which a boy who works hard wins a ton of money and then has to keep his deadbeat neighbors from finding out. Obviously he's been watching TLC's Lottery Changed My Life. PG-13
Starring: Bow Wow, Ice Cube, Mike Epps, Brandon T. Jackson and Naturi Naughton.
The buzz: Of course, the critics hate this one. "If you have seen Barbershop, Beauty Shop, any of the Friday flicks or every Madea movie, then you've seen Lottery Ticket," the St. Pete Times laments. "Only the names of the stereotypes and reasons for their antics are changed to protect the makers from plagiarism charges." Well, doy, we've seen all those. That's why we want to see this one.
The gist: An underwater earthquake looses a school of ravenous prehistoric fish on an unsuspecting gaggle of spring-breakers you neither identify with nor care about in a reboot of a classic '70s Jaws ripoff. But, man, this cast is a lot higher end than you expected, isn't it? R
Starring: Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Adam Scott and Ving Rhames.
The buzz: There are no reviews by any so-called respected critics, but this may have to be a double feature with Lottery Ticket, as far as tbt* is concerned. Plus, Kelly Brook in 3D!
Nanny McPhee Returns
The gist: The ugly Mary Poppins is back to live out the plotline of The Sound of Music. Why there was a sequel to the original, we can only guess. PG
Starring: Emma Thompson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Rhys Ifans and Maggie Smith.
The buzz: Given the competition this week, this is at least something well-made to take the kids to despite the WWII setting. "Sweet, sentimental, silly and star-studded, Nanny McPhee Returns is one of the best children's movies of the year, a fairytale stressed-out parents won't mind sharing with their little darlings," the Orlando Sentinel says.
The gist: This send-up of vampire movies came out Wednesday, but rumor has it the flick is so bad, we couldn't bring ourselves to warn you about it. PG-13
Starring: Ken Jeong, Matt Lanter, Marcelle Baer and Parker Dash.
The buzz: Yep, pretty awful. "Perhaps the filmmakers deserve credit for their one show of restraint: No jokes in this movie have been made at the expense of Justin Bieber," the Washington Post says. We see that as a negative.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org