Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
The gist: It's not quite A Hard Day's Night, but the kids who want to go watch this rockumentary don't know who the Beatles were anyway. Does that make us sound old? God, it does, doesn't it? Not rated
Starring: Kevin Jonas, Joe Jonas, Nick Jonas, Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift.
The buzz: The Hollywood Reporter nails it on the head, saying of the manufactured Disney insta-act: "Certainly their musicianship and onstage professionalism are smooth, though maybe a bit too smooth. There is little spontaneity in anything they do."
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
The gist: Remember that awful version back in the '90s with Jean-Claude Van Damme? You know, the one that was Raul Julia's last role. Well, Street Fighter IV just came out for consoles, so they had to make a new movie. Apparently. PG-13
Starring: Kristin Kreuk, Michael Clarke Duncan, Neal McDonough, Taboo, Chris Klein, Moon Bloodgood, Edmund Chenei and Cheng Pei Pei.
The buzz: Wow, two full-blown marketing-driven releases in the same week? And here we thought crass commercialism was dying out during the recession. Surprisingly, no reviews. Because who wants to sit through a 90-minute advertisement?
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org