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New movies for March 13

Zack Cregger can’t believe he missed his shot in Miss March. We can, though.

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Zack Cregger can’t believe he missed his shot in Miss March. We can, though.

New movies this week

The Last House on the Left

The gist: A remake of Wes Craven's blood- and shame-soaked exploitationfest about a teenage girl who is brutally raped and left for dead (she lives this time, which is almost worse) before the attackers unknowingly come calling on her parents' house. Gee, do you think there's some nastiness ahead? R

Starring: Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Sara Paxton, Garret Dillahunt, Rhys Coiro, Martha MacIsaac, Riki Lindhome and Aaron Paul.

The buzz: You know what? Rape and murder is still rape and murder. "If the original could be accused of having a real point (even a subtext), the uninspired redo has none whatsoever," Variety says.

Race to Witch Mountain

The gist: The Rock flexes his kiddie muscle in the latest addition to this live-action Disney franchise about alien children who need help to get away from those mean ol' government guys. PG

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Ciaran Hinds, Alexander Ludwig, Tom Everett Scott, Christopher Marquette and Cheech Marin.

The buzz: There are very few reviews available for this one, which didn't get screened for local critics. We imagine Dwayne cracks wise and arches one eyebrow, though.

Miss March

The gist: A throwaway comedy about a virginal doofus who wakes up from a coma and finds out the girlfriend he never scored with is a Playboy Playmate. Gee, what happens at the end? R

Starring: Zack Cregger, Raquel Alessi, Trevor Moore and Hugh Hefner.

The buzz: No previews of this one, either, which was originally called Miss February but changed to clear out competition. We're looking forward to seeing if the dubovers are noticeable.

— Joshua Gillin

Upcoming releases

March 20: Duplicity; I Love You, Man; Knowing; Sunshine Cleaning; The Class

New movies for March 13 03/12/09 [Last modified: Thursday, March 12, 2009 8:53pm]
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