Little monsters, zombie monsters, besotted CPA monsters in blowsy Tommy Bahama shirts: April is going to be an awesomely ugly month for concerts in our fair land. Lady Gaga (at the St. Pete Times Forum) and Jimmy Buffett (1-800-ASK-GARY Amphitheatre) go head to head April 16. Then Iron Maiden and its monster, Eddie, rumble into the Forum a day later. Chances are, you're going to at least one of those suckers — that is, if you managed to score tickets.
If you couldn't snag seats, don't sweat it. Our collective playbill is fat with rap royalty, pop studs, blues masters — and Jackass moron Steve-O, who will alleviate your pain by inflicting it upon himself. So herewith …
The OTHER April Concerts in the Tampa Bay area
House of Pain (State Theatre, Saturday): Ain't no party like a '90s hip-hop party! Irish-American trio House of Pain, led by wicked MC Everlast, was in the middle of that killer '90s rap movement, and mondo hit Jump Around was both fun and mean. "Jump up, jump up and get down! Jump! Jump!" (statetheatreconcerts.com.)
Steve-O from 'Jackass' (Tampa Improv, April 7-10): I take perverse glee in watching people staple things that shouldn't be stapled. And if you know Steve-O's work from Jackass, you know the stapling I'm talking about. See that nipple? Ker-thunk! At least I hope he's self-mutilating. If he's slinging jokes, now that would be painful. (www.symfonee.com/improv/tampa.)
Tampa Bay Blues Festival (Vinoy Park, April 8-10): I live a block away from Vinoy Park, which gives me the unalienable NIMBY right to moan about all festivalgoers mucking up my 'hood. Get out of my yard, you no-good Vans Warped Tour jackanapes! You, too, Mainsail hippies! That said, I don't mind the crowd for Blues Fest, easily downtown St. Pete's coolest fest. This year, Brit soulster James Hunter and Nawlinz star Trombone Shorty anchor the lineup. (tampabaybluesfest.com.)
Tom Jones (Ruth Eckerd Hall, April 22): The Welsh Wonder turns 71 this summer, which would be somewhat depressing if not for that fact that he's still THE MOST VIRILE MAN IN THE WORLD. Hopefully, the eternally randy panty magnet will perform cuts from new album Praise & Blame, a raw, real gutbucket blues stomp as different from Sex Bomb as you can get. (rutheckerdhall.com.)
Diddy-Dirty Money (Jannus Live, April 30): I'm terrified of carrots, but I enjoy carrot cake. I turn off Diddy, but I listen to Sean Combs. Make sense? I appreciate the 41-year-old as an actor and a businessman; I just don't care about his new music. Nevertheless, this is a bold-faced get for Jannus Live, especially if a.k.a. Puff Daddy remembers the songs that got him here: Can't Nobody Hold Me Down, It's All About the Benjamins. As for listening to his recent Tony Orlando and Dawn routine? I'd rather eat carrots. (jannuslive.com.)
Sean Daly can be reached at [email protected] or (727) 893-8467. His Pop Life blog is at tampabay.com/blogs/poplife.