Lady Gaga, that pantsless, wiggy wonder, has us divided. Her personal style has as much production value as her electro-pop dance songs. You'll never catch this girl (a.k.a. New York City club brat Joanne Stefani Germanotta) on a Frappuccino run in Crocs and a dirty Sixers cap.
Some really awesome reporters like Stephanie Hayes think the iTunes sales queen — whose debut disc The Fame came out of nowhere to top the charts — is amazing and innovative, a fresh force on the scene tantamount to Warholian ecstasy.
Some lame-o reporters like music critic Sean Daly, who didn't reach the computer fast enough to write the lead of this story, think Gaga is a painfully unoriginal style-biter of Christina Aguilera, Cyndi Lauper and the stars of pop-culture past.
To settle the score, we analyzed some of Lady Gaga's most outrageous ensembles. Judge for yourself Tuesday when her tour stops at the Ritz in Ybor City.
, STEPHANIE: When's the last time you saw someone break it down that hard with a lightning bolt plunging through her abdomen? Girl is electric!
SEAN: No, girl is biting from Gwen "Wind It Up" Stefani, who was already biting from Michelle "Coke It Up" Pfeiffer in Scarface. Nice armpits, too, Gaga. Who sponsors your tour? Mennen?
m STEPHANIE: Gaga is dedicated to bringing surgical nursing uniforms back to the couture runway where they belong. She's so selfless.
SEAN: Helpless is more like it. Desperate for attention, too. She looks like a Pan Am flight attendant stranded on a desert island. Coffee Tea or Me, Me, Me?
m STEPHANIE: You say she's unoriginal. Okay, Sean Slick, tell me — where in the mall can I find a limestone stalagmite homecoming dress? Forever 21? The Gap? You got nothin'.
SEAN: I think you like her, Steph, 'cause you're both the size of garden gnomes. Look at Gaga, she's like the sad plastic topper on Madonna's wedding cake.
m STEPHANIE: Gaga is ferosh. Gaga is fierce. Gaga will rappel down a skyscraper and assassinate an international drug dealer. Gaga will be back in time to sing Just Dance. Gaga's hair will not move.
SEAN: If you're playing Spot the Ripoff at home, the correct answer is Marilyn Monroe, Cher and, strangely enough, that scary dude from Cameo. Word up!
m STEPHANIE: Pants are so last year. Only losers wear pants.
SEAN: Please, she looks like a porn superhero. Wow, she's going to be awesome in Do-You-Like-to-Watchmen. Or The Fantastic Foursome. Or Baredevil. Or . . .
m STEPHANIE: I would totally wear this dress. It's sexy, bold, fun. Most importantly, I could hide 68 cupcakes in the side poofs for a tasty midnight snack.
SEAN: Oh, Steph. The poor girl looks like a slightly melted Madame Tussauds version of Paris Hilton. All that's missing are a bad boyfriend and a shaky video cam. To quote Gaga herself, "Eh eh, nothing else I can say."
Stephanie Hayes can be reached at email@example.com or (727) 893-8857. Sean Daly can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or (727) 893-8467.