It's the tongue, isn't it?
For the 11th year in a row, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, that barely respected barometer of musical achievement, has blatantly snubbed Gene Simmons and Kiss for induction into its sort-of-hallowed establishment.
What gives?! Has the Hall's small, totally biased nominating board — including Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner, who's more of a Dylan/Springsteen guy anyway — never driven down a highway in a rusted Camaro cranking Detroit Rock City while eating a six-pack of chalupas?
It's called life, gang. You should try it some time. Heck, in a recent interview, Simmons intimated that he bedded my mother — and I still think he and his glam progenitors deserve to be in!
Instead, the Hall will welcome Swedish disconauts ABBA, prog-pop's Genesis, reggae star Jimmy Cliff, Brit harmonizers the Hollies and Midwestern punks the Stooges as 2010 inductees. That's a swell list, but it's not very dramatic —unless you're wagering whether the Stooges' Iggy Pop will wear a shirt to the festivities or Peter Gabriel will return to Genesis to give Phil Collins a noogie.
If Kiss is feeling blue, the guys should call Iggy, who knows all about HOF malaise: "We've been rejected seven times," he told Rolling Stone. "It started to feel like Charlie Brown and the football. I had about two hours of a strong emotional reaction after hearing the news. It felt like vindication. Then I kind of scratched my head and thought, 'Am I still cool? Or is that over now?' "
The glitzy, ritzy HOF ceremony will take place March 15 at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City. Nonperformer inductees include record exec David Geffen and songwriting partners Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil.
With the Hollies getting in, that means Graham Nash is now a double-inductee — while the men who gave us Christine Sixteen are sitting on the sidelines. Somewhere Paul Stanley is crying on his exposed nipples. And I don't blame him at all.
After ignoring the fire-spewin', blood-spittin' Kiss for 10 years, the Hall nominated the hard-luck men for 2010 inclusion. But alas, it was just a tease. Suddenly, Lick It Up sounds a lot like taps.
Sean Daly can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or (727) 893-8467. His Pop Life blog is at blogs.tampabay.com/popmusic.