Behold, the Top 13 for Season 8 of American Idol!
Wait. Whaa? Thirteen? Are you kidding us, Fox? We would have settled for a decent six.
After eons of warbling, sobbing and Tatiana's loco-motion, Idol finally has its baker's dozen, from the great Lil Rounds to, ahem, that yutz Kris Allen.
So who's going to win?
After sequestering themselves in a conference room (the bourbon's for later, honest), Sean Daly and Steve Spears came up with this foolproof ranking and betting odds of your Top 13.
1 Lil Rounds With a good voice, great name and a mighty badonkadonk, Lil Rounds is by miles the best of the bunch. Yeah, we're getting that nervous Daughtry feeling, too. Even
2 Danny Gokey Golden Boy Gokey, a.k.a. Robert Downey Jr. Jr., is a fan fave and a chick magnet. He'll go far, unless Tatiana returns to boil his bunny (just a figure of speech, folks … for the most part). Iron Man 2 to 1.
3 Alexis Grace We love a girl willing to skank her way to the top. Thankfully, nothing bad ever happens to desperate young girls in Hollywood. Sexy and 17 to 1.
4 Allison Iraheta The red hair is fake, but the pipes are real. Still, after that unbeatable start, she could wind up this year's Michael "Eighth Place? Worse Than Kristy Lee Cook? You Were Listening When She Motorboated Eight Days a Week, Weren't You?" Johns. Almost legal to 1.
5 Adam Lambert He stole David Cook's faux-metallic 'do and bit his singing style, too. But every time Adam reaches for a Skid Row howl, we're instead hearing Cabaret folly. What's it going to be, buddy: rage or Birdcage? 18 and Life to 1.
6 Scott MacIntyre Anyone remember 1982's If You Can See What I Hear? C'mon, when the blind dude drove a car? Ha! Classic! Hollywood sees curly-topped MacIntyre and is screaming "remake!" 20/20 to 1.
7 Jasmine Murray She's cute, she can sing and she's 16. She won't win Idol, but Eddie Murphy will hire her to play Axel's daughter in the next Beverly Hills Cop sequel. 90210 to 1.
8 Jorge Nunez Did you see how Idol suddenly busted out the split-screen for Jorge last week? Where did those special effects come from? It was like a flippin' scene from Grease. Rydell High Class of '59 to 1.
9 Megan Joy Corkrey Have we learned nothing from tattooed earth mamas Amanda Overmyer and Carly Smithson? The Summer of Love look doesn't play on Idol. '67 to 1.
10 Matt Giraud Why does this Coldplaya dress like George Burns in The Sunshine Boys? 100 years old to 1.
11 Michael Sarver Ladies loved "Big Oil" when he worked that rig. Then he started to sing. That's just crude, dude. $2.09 a gallon to 1.
12 Anoop Desai Only a deal with Beelzebub could have gotten Idol to change the Final 12 to the Final 13. Hope it pays off, Slumdawg. 666 to 1.
13 Kris Allen Let's play a fun game, shall we? Hop on one foot, cram three Funyuns in your mouth, stuff a lobster down your slacks and sing Wind Beneath My Wings. Congrats! You're STILL better than Kris Allen. 870 calories per Funyun bag to 1.