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Worker, mom, eternal balance seeker

By Amy Hollyfield, Times Staff Writer
In print: Monday, May 19, 2008


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For a school project, my daughter completed a fill-in-the-blank questionnaire about me. It was personal and sweet, yet altogether devastating.

My Mom's name is ... Amy.

When she is at home my Mom likes to ... nap.

When my mom needs to relax she ... takes a nap.

If she could have any job in the world she would want to be a ... doctor, but I really wish she would be a ... teacher.

In 20 answers, my 7-year-old is surprisingly, and embarrassingly, accurate. And I'm left to dissect her true feelings.

• She thinks I sleep all the time. Fair, considering she sees me just 30 minutes a day during the week, and on weekends I usually do take a nap.

• She wishes I were a teacher because, presumably, she would see me all day at school.

• She misses me because I work full time.

Not surprising; I miss her, too.

I miss helping on homework. Taking her to tennis and tae kwon do. Having family dinners.

Getting extra goodnight kisses — or even just one.

I think whichever mom world you're in, you wonder about the other.

I worry I'll always be the mom who misses everything. Or be the one other parents see at school and say, "Oh, you're the mom." (Wait, that already happens.)

At the same time, I love working. I'm doing the right thing for me, and hopefully her, too.

Make no mistake, though, there is no balance in my life. Every day is a struggle for extra time with her.

The saving grace is in the final answer of the questionnaire:

I love Mommy because ... She is sweet fun awesome and she is funny too!".



[Last modified: May 22, 2008 01:40 PM]



Comments on this article
by E.A. May 22, 2008 1:40 PM
It is a hard reality that time spent away from children can never be recaptured. Sacrificing personal gratification is well worth the gift. The time will come to do the ?right thing? for yourself but it is not when your children are young.
by Jason May 22, 2008 1:29 PM
I repeat, some moms must work. No prob there. But Amy said "I'm doing what's best for me, and hopefully her, too." That's the issue, the choice to do what's best for me rather than my kid. Is that a character trait we want to instill in our kids?
by A.H. May 21, 2008 3:48 PM
I have two jobs, I hardly see my daughter at all anymore, but I know she still loves me and understands why I'm hardly there. It's a hard decision to make, time w/kid & no food, or less time w/food, clothing, necessities. Leave working moms alone!
by Sharon May 21, 2008 1:34 PM
Oh come off it. It's not just about a higher standard of living. A mom who doesn't work means her kids have NO safety net if dad should fall ill, get fired or whatever. Not to mention for many it's not the "extras" her job is paying for
by Jason May 21, 2008 12:21 PM
Since when is life all about me? Our priorities should change when we get married & when deciding to have children. I realize for some, both parents must work. However, often it is for a higher standard of living at the expense of true priorities.
by Sharon May 21, 2008 12:21 PM
yes, do lay off Amy for merely being honest about the struggle all working moms face. Why does no one slam a dad for missings most of their child's day? She is her kids' backup. Her job is important too.
by another mom May 20, 2008 2:17 PM
What Amy's article doesn't say is that she's a loving mom, wonderful person and her daughter is delightful. She was her daughter's class homeroom mom last year. Her Mr. Mom husband is there for the things she misses. Let's lay off the guilt trips!
by Santini May 20, 2008 2:17 PM
I think about the children whose parents are serving overseas and this story strikes me as rather self-serving. Well Amy, I hope this assuages your guilt... at least you have a choice.
by Kara May 19, 2008 9:04 PM
Sometimes we have to work different jobs, work different hours to make it so we are actually there for those moments. They go by so quickly. How is 1/2 hr a day ever ok for an adult relationship let a lone a child.
by Kristin May 19, 2008 9:04 PM
How about knowing that you are doing the right thing for both you and your daughter....when you become a parent you are now MORE than one... I believe that you can balance the two very easiliy if it is a priority.
by Sam May 19, 2008 9:03 PM
I work full time also, I have four active kids. It is important to be there for them. When you become available your daughter will not be at the same stage she is in now. It flies by enjoy the now.
by Chris May 19, 2008 9:03 PM
Her final answer is what she wants you to be; if you were awesome, you would spend more time with your daughter.
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