I have forgotten to put much needed laundry into the dryer, which has left me blow drying socks five minutes before the bus comes.
They're never reaaaaaally completely dry, so I'm yelling out to my child as he runs to catch the bus: "Don't worry. Run faster, they'll dry quicker."
I guess that's not as bad as forgetting to do the laundry all together and performing the sniff test. I don't know how many times I've doused an unstained pair of khaki's with Axe body spray.
And, sadly, I think the record for washing the same load of laundry because it punched you when you opened the lid is a whopping four.
Don't judge me.
We don't brag about some of the things we do, because we would be humiliated. But it's pretty likely that I'm not the sole person on earth committing acts that would make people gasp around the water cooler.
Some days, I just don't feel qualified. I've allowed a chocolate-covered Nestle Drumstick to serve as breakfast more times than I ever care to admit.
I've decided not to cook and allowed the kids to order pizza. Which means the hamburger meat I thawed went bad and I had to throw it away. I'm out the pizza money, the hamburger meat and I need another meal to cook before I return to the store.
I'm guilty of shoving green army men and Legos under the couch while vacuuming. The only reason I don't vacuum them up is because I have broken too many vacuum cleaners. Yes, I realize it would have been just as easy to pick them up since I bent down anyway. But, sometimes I am able to use my talented toes.
I do usually regret taking the lazy way out when I finally get around to cleaning underneath the couch. But, when I see silverware, candy wrappers, a paper plate, a Taco Bell wrapper and socks, I hang my head.
I don't even know when we had Taco Bell last. Was that from Christmas? And those socks? I just threw away the matches to those socks because I was tired of the sock bin being full.
Oh, the sock bin. Am I the only one who has a laundry basket with socks that may or may not have matches? Seriously, unless they are lime green or have a distinct marking on the toes, I will leave them in the basket. If you're desperate enough, you'll wear two socks that are close enough.
I've sailed into a gas station on fumes because I waited until the last possible minute. I've lost track of time when I was supposed to be somewhere, and that may or may not have included picking up one of my children. I've been asked to bring one thing to help a friend, teacher or co-worker and completely forgotten.
One thing. They asked for one thing.
What. Is. Wrong. With. ME?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
We are human. And I think we forget all that we do accomplish.
We have kids. And they have sports and lessons. We have jobs, some in the home and some in an office. We balance budgets, plan meals, coupon and grocery shop. We cook and clean.
We are spouses or significant others. We're tutors, chaperones, detectives and counselors.
We're children who help our aging parents or grandparents. We help family recovering from surgery or help a sister who just had a baby. We're entertainers always attending or planning birthday parties, beach trips, paintball games and sleepovers.
It's okay that some things fall through the cracks. It's okay that underneath your couch is a hope chest. It's okay that you forget things.
But don't forget all that you do.
Cherish those little successes. When you keep track of those — and they do add up — that's when you are reminded that you are qualified.
Heather Tempesta is a single mother of three who lives in Brandon.